Come Look at my Poop

Seriously...this topic was a conversation between my boys today. Now let me preface by saying we are strange- my family announces when we have to go to the bathroom and we tell people what we have to do in there. Okay, family and friends- we certainly aren't so classless that we announce it to strangers. We just aren't shy. It took my sister-in-law years to feel comfortable with this. Actually, she's been a part of this family for 15 years and she may still not be used to how we announce this.

My boys are not different, except they like to show their poop to each other. Hence the below conversation:

M (our six year old who is in the bathroom pooping yelling for his brother): "B, you HAVE got to come in here and see this."

B: "Are you pooping because I don't want to see that!"

M: "Yes, but come here and see this. It's super small, like a pebble."

B: "Oh, a rock?" He runs right in, like a pebble is something he has never seen before. Maybe it's because the pebble is magically coming out of his brother's ass and not something he found outside, but whatever the reason, B made a beeline to see that thing.

M: "See, it's like a pebble."

B: "Eww, your poop stinks. But that does look like a pebble."

Sigh....this is my life. My fault, I started the whole not shy about poop phenomenon, but never have I asked anyone to come take a look at it. At least not that I remember.

The Principal's Office

A conversation with my oldest, who we refer to as highly "spirited":

M: "Mommy, I have been to the principal's office three times total."

Me: "Super great. You are in first grade and have me beat by oh, THREE times!" Yeah,I was a total good girl.

M: "Yeah, I know...one time I yelled in Gretchen's ear and I had to go there in Kindergarten."

Me: "Yes, but you technically didn't get sent there that day. You and Gretchen were in the hallway with your class, you two were having an issue and you also had a substitute that day. It just so happened the principal was walking by, knew you had a sub and decided she would just snag you both to talk about what was happening."

M: "Yep. Then I had to go that day after the girl in Kindergarten asked to see my penis and I showed it to her at nap time."

Me: "Yes, I am also well aware of that time too and you weren't in trouble then at all either. Trust me, porn star." Of course I didn't say porn star in my response.

M: "Then this year I had to go because at recess I got mad and yelled and hit someone."

Me: "I can't tell you the pride I feel about that. Let me just reiterate to you, son- going to the principal's office ISN'T something you want to do. Most kids want to avoid being sent there."

M: "I can't help it. If she asks me to come to her office, I have to go."

Me: "I know you do...let's just not make it a habit as you grow older."

Why is it always the teachers kids?

I Got It!

I freaking got the teaching job! I am so beyond thrilled. I wanted this job so badly and can't wait until August. The principal called me tonight to let me know she is recommending me for hire .

So excited!

Then I am brought back down to earth when I hear my boys in the shower talking about their butts, about what comes out of dinosaurs butts and if dinosaurs poop out of their mouths.

Don't ask.

Long Time, No Blog

Wow..it's been almost a week since my last blog! Sorry. It's not that the boys haven't done anything cute or funny, because trust me, they have. It's just that we've been so incredibly busy.

First, I am actively searching for full-time special education teaching jobs in the fall. With the exception of the horrible experience when I tried to return to teaching two years ago, I have been out of teaching for six years. Wow. I can't believe it's been that long. I have had two interviews. One interview came down to me and another person. They gave the job to the other woman because she had more reading strategy knowledge then I did. It wasn't a special education position, instead it was a teaching job that would help avoid putting students in special ed. The Director of Student Services liked me so much at that interview, she has made it her goal to get me hired in her district by fall. LOL. She said not hiring me was the hardest decision she has ever rendered in her career and really wants me to teach. I interviewed on the phone last week with the same district, this time for a Level 1 Elementary Special Education position. I taught Level 1 the last two years of my career, spending the first nine teaching Moderately and Severely Behavior Disordered students.

The phone interview went so fantastic that the principal asked me to come Friday for an in-person interview and tour. I went, it went well, I should know by the end of this week if I got the job. My worry? I didn't get it because yet again they asked me for specific reading strategies I used. Well, it's been six years and while I have many strategies I used, I am sure by now thanks to No Child Left Behind, things have changed. Let me tell you, the whole special education realm is not as I left it six years ago. I am so afraid I won't be hired because of this.

So what am I doing? Regsitering for some continuing ed courses that teach current reading strategies. Believe me, I have let the principal know that I just interviewed with that I am registering for this and hopefully that will make a difference. Maybe I am overreacting, but before these last two interviews, I have never been turned down for a teaching job. I was hired on the spot for my interview with the school I ended up leaving to stay home. Before that, I was hired the same day fresh out of college for my first teaching job and the job two years ago? Hired three hours after my interview. I figure something must be wrong with my skills if I am not being hired...so I may as well hone those skills.

Besides this we were gone all weekend at a waterpark/hotel with our kids and some family friends and their kids. It was fun...but man waterparks are freaking tiring!

So, that's what's happening on our homefront. I promise to fill this blog soon with funny things the boys do. God, it never really stops.

What I Love About Our School District

My kids are (well, soon will be when B gets to Kindergarten) going to the same school district both my husband and I went to. Times have changed and so have the district, and I LOVE IT!

I love that my first grader, including when he was in kindergarten, learns about families and what makes a family. He came home telling me that families are made up of not always just a mommy and a daddy, that sometimes some families have just one mom or just one dad and that there are times when there might be two daddies or two mommies. Love it...we make it clear at home as well that a family isn't just a mom and a dad, it's just a group of people who love each other and that often means two mommies or two daddies or just one. I love, love, love that our school district isn't telling my child that a family is just a mom and a dad. Acceptance and open minds. Love it...

AIDS education. My son came home from school with information about Aids, and asked me a lot of questions about it. I love that we had a frank discussion about it and he's only six. Thanks school for helping me get the conversation started about a topic that I should have been talking to him about to begin with.

I love that when my son goes to school each day he experiences kiddos who have severe disabilities. I love that my boy can come home and tell me things about such and such a child and then say, "Oh yeah, he's in a wheelchair and that's okay- he can't talk like we do and his legs don't work, but that's okay." As a former special needs teacher, it completely warms my heart that my son is in a school that has a fairly wide population of students with special needs. He interacts with special needs students daily and I love that he, at such a young age, is learning that people with physical and mental disabilities should never be judged from this interaction and I love what the school does to ensure that all students are equal.

I love at Christmas time that my boys don't learn just about the Christian holiday at school. They learn about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. I am still waiting for them to learn about Buddhism, but I am pleased that Christmas time isn't just about Christmas for this district- our hope is that our boys will someday find a religion or a belief system that works for them and makes them happy. I want them to learn about all different belief systems and when they are old enough, decide for themselves.

My hope is for my boys to grow up with open minds and hearts and I am so pleased that the school they attend is helping to mold open minds, tolerance and acceptance.

He Just Can't Stop Loving Me...

I was rocking with my four year old (soon to be five- sob!) the other night. It was our usual routine. We sit in the rocking chair, say prayers and then I screech two songs, I mean sing two songs. We also talk about B's day and just enjoy some snuggle time. The fact that B still loves to sit on my lap and snuggle with me when he's almost five is not lost on me. I will take it for as long as he wants to do it. If he's 25 when he decides to stop, then so be it.

I digress. As we were snuggling I gave him a smooch. B responded that he wanted 100million smooches. I obliged with many fast smooches on his face. He then wrapped his arms around my neck and sighed, saying, "Mommy, I just can't stop loving you."

MELT. I of course reply that I will never stop loving him either. He then says, "Mommy, I will still love you, even when I am 100."

A permanent grin is on my face by this time because I totally lap this kind of thing up when it comes to my kids and I am thinking just how much I love him, how much B loves me and what a great parent I am that he says these things to me. B then says, "Of course, when I'm 100 won't you be dead?"

I choke on my sh*t eating grin and say, "Well, of course I will be dead son, otherwise I would be 134 years old. If I am not dead please beat me to death with your cane" (okay, I didn't really say the beating to death thing, but I thought it!) I don't tell him that he probably won't be alive at 100 either, because you just never know and honestly...that kind of thing isn't something I want to say outloud.

B then says, "Well, even if you're dead, I guess I can still love you."

Umm, thanks for that....and then I asked him to please stop discussing my mortality because it skeeves me out a bit.

My Sleeve is Not a Kleenex

Tonight we had a family game night. The choice of game was either Wii bowling or Monopoly Jr. Wii bowling ended up being the winner, to which our four year old let loose with his acting skills and begin to instantly sob with large crocodile tears. He wanted to play Monopoly Jr, but this time around it was Daddy's turn to chose and Daddy chose the Wii. When you are an overly dramatic four year old boy who some day may win an Oscar, the fact that your choice didn't win will bring out your very best acting skills, the waterworks will turn on, the nose will run and instantly your parents will laugh.

As the mother of the winner of best childhood actor in an overly dramatic moment when disappointed, his tears usually do me in- they make me laugh, but it also melts my heart (the kid is good, what can I say- and the worst part- he totally knows it gets me). I requested that B come sit on my lap so we could have a snuggle and dry his tears. He obliged and hopped on my lap. B was only wearing pants, no shirt- because well, when you're four, shirts are overrated when playing all day in the house.

B and I were snuggling as his sniffles subsided and his head was on my shoulder. B slowly began to move his head back and forth along my sleeve and then up and down over my shirt on my shoulder and down my arm sleeve. I realized what he was doing- wiping his snotty nose from his Oscar winning performance all over my shirt.

"Why are you wiping your nose on my shirt?", I questioned him as I am looking at his scrawny bare upper body. "What, I don't have a shirt on so I don't have my own sleeve to wipe my nose and it's running." he replies.

Lovely....the concept of a kleenex is lost on boy of four, especially when he normally has that built in nose wiper in the form of his own shirt sleeve.

No wonder my laundry pile is never ending.....at least we save a ton of money on Kleenex in this house...no need for them when there's a sleeve available.