Mothering Boys

Reach for the Stars

2011-01-10T17:58:00.000-06:00

Today, B, my youngest child brought home a booklet he made in his 1st grade class. His entire class made booklets about the future that included things he would do in 2011, and various other things with regards to their futures. B has some very big plans for his future because on the page that said, "What I will be in the future?", Brady wrote, "an old man".

I'm so glad he's got his future all mapped out and it does indeed include him becoming an old man.

Have I mentioned how much I love that kid? Love, love, love....

Family Ties

2011-01-07T18:17:00.015-06:00

I could not love the HUB Channel more, simply because they show "Family Ties". If you didn't grow up in the 80's, you might not remember the show, but me? Looooove it....and even better? I've watched it with my boys and it's now a motivator to get them to take a bath/shower and get ready for bed BEFORE it starts because well, they love it too. We then snuggle up in bed and watch the show. I love watching it with the boys, especially when they ask me questions like this, "Mom, why is Alex talking on a phone that is attached to the wall and has a cord?" It doesn't make me feel old at all, explaining about the old days when phones had cords. I also like it when they things like, "Mommy, did TV have color when you were growing up?"

Or the fact that we are watching Family Ties right now and my six year old just said, "This is an old, old, old, old, time show."

Sigh...

So It's Been Almost Two Years...

2011-01-06T18:13:00.000-06:00

Seems just like yesterday that I wrote. Okay, not really. It's been a long time and I finally decided that I need to start writing on this blog again. My goal is to come and blog everytime my boys say something funny, which pretty much happens all the time. Of course, I'm their mother and I think they're hilarious, but I want to record it all so that someday I can have it for them as a memory. Or blackmail. Either one.

The boys are eight and six now and it's never a dull moment here at home. They keep me laughing. Like tonight when Brady, my youngest, was talking about our sweet little neighbor girls. They both go to a private Catholic school and Brady is intrigued by it. He says to me at dinner time, "Mom, did you know that because K goes to a private school, she has to wear.......umm, clothes, because it's private." I told him that I was pretty sure every kid at every school had to wear clothes (at least that's the rule where I teach and the rule where my boys go to school).

Love my kids...

Come Look at my Poop

2009-03-13T05:49:00.001-05:00

Seriously...this topic was a conversation between my boys today. Now let me preface by saying we are strange- my family announces when we have to go to the bathroom and we tell people what we have to do in there. Okay, family and friends- we certainly aren't so classless that we announce it to strangers. We just aren't shy. It took my sister-in-law years to feel comfortable with this. Actually, she's been a part of this family for 15 years and she may still not be used to how we announce this.

My boys are not different, except they like to show their poop to each other. Hence the below conversation:

M (our six year old who is in the bathroom pooping yelling for his brother): "B, you HAVE got to come in here and see this."

B: "Are you pooping because I don't want to see that!"

M: "Yes, but come here and see this. It's super small, like a pebble."

B: "Oh, a rock?" He runs right in, like a pebble is something he has never seen before. Maybe it's because the pebble is magically coming out of his brother's ass and not something he found outside, but whatever the reason, B made a beeline to see that thing.

M: "See, it's like a pebble."

B: "Eww, your poop stinks. But that does look like a pebble."

Sigh....this is my life. My fault, I started the whole not shy about poop phenomenon, but never have I asked anyone to come take a look at it. At least not that I remember.

The Principal's Office

2009-03-12T07:19:00.002-05:00

A conversation with my oldest, who we refer to as highly "spirited":

M: "Mommy, I have been to the principal's office three times total."

Me: "Super great. You are in first grade and have me beat by oh, THREE times!" Yeah,I was a total good girl.

M: "Yeah, I know...one time I yelled in Gretchen's ear and I had to go there in Kindergarten."

Me: "Yes, but you technically didn't get sent there that day. You and Gretchen were in the hallway with your class, you two were having an issue and you also had a substitute that day. It just so happened the principal was walking by, knew you had a sub and decided she would just snag you both to talk about what was happening."

M: "Yep. Then I had to go that day after the girl in Kindergarten asked to see my penis and I showed it to her at nap time."

Me: "Yes, I am also well aware of that time too and you weren't in trouble then at all either. Trust me, porn star." Of course I didn't say porn star in my response.

M: "Then this year I had to go because at recess I got mad and yelled and hit someone."

Me: "I can't tell you the pride I feel about that. Let me just reiterate to you, son- going to the principal's office ISN'T something you want to do. Most kids want to avoid being sent there."

M: "I can't help it. If she asks me to come to her office, I have to go."

Me: "I know you do...let's just not make it a habit as you grow older."

Why is it always the teachers kids?

I Got It!

2009-03-10T19:24:00.003-05:00

I freaking got the teaching job! I am so beyond thrilled. I wanted this job so badly and can't wait until August. The principal called me tonight to let me know she is recommending me for hire .

So excited!

Then I am brought back down to earth when I hear my boys in the shower talking about their butts, about what comes out of dinosaurs butts and if dinosaurs poop out of their mouths.

Don't ask.

Long Time, No Blog

2009-03-09T10:21:00.003-05:00

Wow..it's been almost a week since my last blog! Sorry. It's not that the boys haven't done anything cute or funny, because trust me, they have. It's just that we've been so incredibly busy.

First, I am actively searching for full-time special education teaching jobs in the fall. With the exception of the horrible experience when I tried to return to teaching two years ago, I have been out of teaching for six years. Wow. I can't believe it's been that long. I have had two interviews. One interview came down to me and another person. They gave the job to the other woman because she had more reading strategy knowledge then I did. It wasn't a special education position, instead it was a teaching job that would help avoid putting students in special ed. The Director of Student Services liked me so much at that interview, she has made it her goal to get me hired in her district by fall. LOL. She said not hiring me was the hardest decision she has ever rendered in her career and really wants me to teach. I interviewed on the phone last week with the same district, this time for a Level 1 Elementary Special Education position. I taught Level 1 the last two years of my career, spending the first nine teaching Moderately and Severely Behavior Disordered students.

The phone interview went so fantastic that the principal asked me to come Friday for an in-person interview and tour. I went, it went well, I should know by the end of this week if I got the job. My worry? I didn't get it because yet again they asked me for specific reading strategies I used. Well, it's been six years and while I have many strategies I used, I am sure by now thanks to No Child Left Behind, things have changed. Let me tell you, the whole special education realm is not as I left it six years ago. I am so afraid I won't be hired because of this.

So what am I doing? Regsitering for some continuing ed courses that teach current reading strategies. Believe me, I have let the principal know that I just interviewed with that I am registering for this and hopefully that will make a difference. Maybe I am overreacting, but before these last two interviews, I have never been turned down for a teaching job. I was hired on the spot for my interview with the school I ended up leaving to stay home. Before that, I was hired the same day fresh out of college for my first teaching job and the job two years ago? Hired three hours after my interview. I figure something must be wrong with my skills if I am not being hired...so I may as well hone those skills.

Besides this we were gone all weekend at a waterpark/hotel with our kids and some family friends and their kids. It was fun...but man waterparks are freaking tiring!

So, that's what's happening on our homefront. I promise to fill this blog soon with funny things the boys do. God, it never really stops.

What I Love About Our School District

2009-03-04T20:54:00.003-06:00

My kids are (well, soon will be when B gets to Kindergarten) going to the same school district both my husband and I went to. Times have changed and so have the district, and I LOVE IT!

I love that my first grader, including when he was in kindergarten, learns about families and what makes a family. He came home telling me that families are made up of not always just a mommy and a daddy, that sometimes some families have just one mom or just one dad and that there are times when there might be two daddies or two mommies. Love it...we make it clear at home as well that a family isn't just a mom and a dad, it's just a group of people who love each other and that often means two mommies or two daddies or just one. I love, love, love that our school district isn't telling my child that a family is just a mom and a dad. Acceptance and open minds. Love it...

AIDS education. My son came home from school with information about Aids, and asked me a lot of questions about it. I love that we had a frank discussion about it and he's only six. Thanks school for helping me get the conversation started about a topic that I should have been talking to him about to begin with.

I love that when my son goes to school each day he experiences kiddos who have severe disabilities. I love that my boy can come home and tell me things about such and such a child and then say, "Oh yeah, he's in a wheelchair and that's okay- he can't talk like we do and his legs don't work, but that's okay." As a former special needs teacher, it completely warms my heart that my son is in a school that has a fairly wide population of students with special needs. He interacts with special needs students daily and I love that he, at such a young age, is learning that people with physical and mental disabilities should never be judged from this interaction and I love what the school does to ensure that all students are equal.

I love at Christmas time that my boys don't learn just about the Christian holiday at school. They learn about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. I am still waiting for them to learn about Buddhism, but I am pleased that Christmas time isn't just about Christmas for this district- our hope is that our boys will someday find a religion or a belief system that works for them and makes them happy. I want them to learn about all different belief systems and when they are old enough, decide for themselves.

My hope is for my boys to grow up with open minds and hearts and I am so pleased that the school they attend is helping to mold open minds, tolerance and acceptance.

He Just Can't Stop Loving Me...

2009-03-03T12:19:00.004-06:00

I was rocking with my four year old (soon to be five- sob!) the other night. It was our usual routine. We sit in the rocking chair, say prayers and then I screech two songs, I mean sing two songs. We also talk about B's day and just enjoy some snuggle time. The fact that B still loves to sit on my lap and snuggle with me when he's almost five is not lost on me. I will take it for as long as he wants to do it. If he's 25 when he decides to stop, then so be it.

I digress. As we were snuggling I gave him a smooch. B responded that he wanted 100million smooches. I obliged with many fast smooches on his face. He then wrapped his arms around my neck and sighed, saying, "Mommy, I just can't stop loving you."

MELT. I of course reply that I will never stop loving him either. He then says, "Mommy, I will still love you, even when I am 100."

A permanent grin is on my face by this time because I totally lap this kind of thing up when it comes to my kids and I am thinking just how much I love him, how much B loves me and what a great parent I am that he says these things to me. B then says, "Of course, when I'm 100 won't you be dead?"

I choke on my sh*t eating grin and say, "Well, of course I will be dead son, otherwise I would be 134 years old. If I am not dead please beat me to death with your cane" (okay, I didn't really say the beating to death thing, but I thought it!) I don't tell him that he probably won't be alive at 100 either, because you just never know and honestly...that kind of thing isn't something I want to say outloud.

B then says, "Well, even if you're dead, I guess I can still love you."

Umm, thanks for that....and then I asked him to please stop discussing my mortality because it skeeves me out a bit.

My Sleeve is Not a Kleenex

2009-03-02T05:26:00.000-06:00

Tonight we had a family game night. The choice of game was either Wii bowling or Monopoly Jr. Wii bowling ended up being the winner, to which our four year old let loose with his acting skills and begin to instantly sob with large crocodile tears. He wanted to play Monopoly Jr, but this time around it was Daddy's turn to chose and Daddy chose the Wii. When you are an overly dramatic four year old boy who some day may win an Oscar, the fact that your choice didn't win will bring out your very best acting skills, the waterworks will turn on, the nose will run and instantly your parents will laugh.

As the mother of the winner of best childhood actor in an overly dramatic moment when disappointed, his tears usually do me in- they make me laugh, but it also melts my heart (the kid is good, what can I say- and the worst part- he totally knows it gets me). I requested that B come sit on my lap so we could have a snuggle and dry his tears. He obliged and hopped on my lap. B was only wearing pants, no shirt- because well, when you're four, shirts are overrated when playing all day in the house.

B and I were snuggling as his sniffles subsided and his head was on my shoulder. B slowly began to move his head back and forth along my sleeve and then up and down over my shirt on my shoulder and down my arm sleeve. I realized what he was doing- wiping his snotty nose from his Oscar winning performance all over my shirt.

"Why are you wiping your nose on my shirt?", I questioned him as I am looking at his scrawny bare upper body. "What, I don't have a shirt on so I don't have my own sleeve to wipe my nose and it's running." he replies.

Lovely....the concept of a kleenex is lost on boy of four, especially when he normally has that built in nose wiper in the form of his own shirt sleeve.

No wonder my laundry pile is never ending.....at least we save a ton of money on Kleenex in this house...no need for them when there's a sleeve available.

It Hurts- But Not Because of That...

2009-02-28T10:56:00.003-06:00

So we are pretty open here about the fact that little boys (and grown men!) like to touch their penises. We have always told our boys that it's a perfectly normal thing but if they want to do "that" they need to go to their rooms and have some privacy. Of course my oldest especially, seems to have his hands down his pants a lot- just lounging around the house, reading a book, laying on the couch, etc...that hand is down those pants. I give a gentle reminder where he needs to go to do that and the hand usually comes out. I catch him a couple of times a day "relaxing".

This is what makes this following interaction so funny.....

I was getting ready for work the other day and was in the bathroom doing my hair when M, our six year old came in having gotten dressed for school and says, "Mommy, my penis hurts but it's not because I have been touching it too much THIS TIME!"

It just made me laugh...this time it hurts but not because he can't keep his hands off of it like all the other times it hurt.

God, I love having boys. The things they say and do kill me!

Oh Really?

2009-02-27T06:43:00.003-06:00

You know what I like to do at 4:30 in the morning, my sweet little boys? I like to freaking be asleep!

I don't like waking up to you closing and opening your door because you can't sleep. I don't like you creeping into our room to tell me your tummy hurts when in reality you are trying to sneak your freaking Nintendo DS's. Nope, I don't like it one bit.

It's 4:30 in the morning and you have both been asleep less than nine hours. Why are you both awake? Kids need sleep. Mom and Dad need sleep. You know what kids don't need? They don't need Nintendo DS's. Kids don't need to go to that birthday party tomorrow night if they feel the need to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn and try to sneak DS's to play with instead of going back to bed.

I realize both of you are excited about what is coming at your schools today. Preschool is having a pajama party and 1st grade has Jump Rope for Heart...but really? 4:30 in the morning is not the time to get up and wait for that excitement. Really!

It's only 6:30 in the morning and I need a nap.....

A Great First Impression

2009-02-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

Note to self...do not nap, even if the hubby is home. Here's why:

I slept like crap on Wednesday night, tossed and turned all night long. On Wednesday, after much discussion, the hubby and I came to the conclusion that in the fall when both of our boys in school full-time, I should really consider going back to teaching full-time. Seriously...it just makes sense financially for us and definitely schedule-wise. Is there a better schedule for a working mom to have when her kids are in school than a teacher? I can't find it.

Therefore, I started applying for full-time special education teaching jobs at one district in our area. I am applying for jobs within this district because the Director of Student Services interviewed me for a position in the past and was so torn on who to give the job to (it came down to me and another gal, the other gal got it- no biggie) because she loved everything about me and has told me since that day she is spreading my name around to all of the principals to let them know someone needs to hire me. She was thrilled to hear I was still interested in teaching when I spoke to her yesterday. I feel if I can go back to teaching, that perhaps this district is it.

Cut to today, Thursday and back to me sleeping like crap the night before. I arrived home from my part-time job Thursday morning freaking exhausted. My hubby was home because he closes on Thursday nights. I was happy to hear he would be home for a few more hours and told him I was going to go upstairs and take a nap before he leaves. I must have been tired because typically my naps are power naps- 20 minutes and I am good to go. Not Thursday.

I last looked at the clock at noon and at 1:30 my four year old comes barging into the bedroom, scaring the crap out of me. He has the phone and is holding it up, saying to me, "There's some lady who wants to talk to you." I am groggy, trying to figure out why he is answering the phone and where his father is. I say to him, "Where is your daddy right now?"

Here comes the best first impression I am sure I have ever made. My son, with the phone up so whomever is on it waiting to speak to me can hear everything, says "Oh, Daddy's taking a NAP too, just like you." Except Daddy is asleep downstairs on a couch and I am tucked upstairs snoozing. Parents of the year. Although in my defense I would have never taken a nap had I known my husband would be doing the same thing later- and my husband was asleep right by my son. Why the hubby couldn't answer the phone, I have no idea.

So, after our youngest yells that everyone except him is taking a nap, he hands me the phone. I am silently offering up a prayer that it is no one important.

No. Such. Luck. It's one of the schools I applied at requesting a phone interview next week.

Awesome first impression. I bet they can't wait to hire me. But it's too funny of a story for me NOT to share. Though I will no longer nap in the middle of the day upstairs, even if my husband is home!

So Proud of My Oldest

2009-02-25T19:28:00.004-06:00

My oldest son's school is having their annual Jump Rope for Heart this coming Friday. Because he is in 1st grade this year he will be able to jump and raise money as well.

Obviously this cause is near and dear to my heart (no pun intended!)because I was diagnosed last summer with a genetic heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. 1 in 500 people are said to have this, many do not know. One complication of the condition is sudden death, especially in athletes who compete never knowing they have this potential killer. I consider myself lucky because mine was caught early, I am being treated with a calcium channel blocker and I had a defibrillator implanted in September of 2008. The defibrillator was implanted because years ago my mom suffered a sudden cardiac arrest due to her HCM. In all honesty, Mom should have died. She also experienced V-fib after her hospitalization from her cardiac arrest which caused for some very stumped cardiologists as to how she could be up and walking around...but she was and she lived. She then had a defibrillator implanted as well. Unfortunately due to Mom's HCM, some ten years later she ended up needing a heart transplant and five years ago she got it! She's doing awesome. But because of Mom's sudden cardiac arrest, I am considered more high risk for experiencing it as well....therefore the defibrillator is there as my life preserver.

My grandpa, my mom's dad, died from HCM related heart failure in 1977. Nothing could be done back then for him. They have come so far in 30 odd years with treatment for this condition. There is no cure as of yet, but there is HOPE.

This is why I think the Jump Rope for Heart is so phenomenal. The money raised will help people, people like me and those in my family, hopefully find a cure for their heart disease. My boy realized it too. When he came home after learning about Jump Rope for Heart, he asked me to set up his Jump Rope for Heart webpage where people could donate money online and he asked me to send out emails asking friends and family to donate.

I am so proud of him. So far he has raised almost $300. He needs about $25 more dollars to get to that $300. At $300 he earns a really cool prize that he so desperately wants. I am reminding him that he isn't doing it for the prize, but is he ever motivated to get it. Today he brought home a paper heart that will be hung up in the school gym during Jump Rope for Heart. On it he asked me to write who he is jumping for and right off the bat he said, "Mom you need to write your name, Grandma's name, Great Grandpa Wagner and Great Grandpa Gay because everyone I named had heart disease or a stroke. Didn't Grandpa Wagner have a stroke?" I couldn't believe he even remembered that because it happened two years ago, but his great grandfather did indeed have a stroke.

I am just really feeling pride for how much thought my oldest boy is putting into the Jump Rope for Heart. Yes, he may get a bunch of cool prizes and I realize he's excited about it, but I also like that he seems to totally get why this cause is so important.

He doesn't get that he has a 50% chance of inheriting this condition and that I constantly live in fear, or denial, that he will develop it and something horrible will happen. I don't want him to ever understand what is it like for a parent to have to live with that kind of fear. I pray he and his brother have not inherited this gene from me.

Regardless, right now at this very moment, my slightly diseased heart is bursting with pride with all of my son has done in honor of me and his other family members who have fought heart disease and stroke. What a six year old!

What I Love About Age Four

2009-02-22T15:23:00.002-06:00

I love four year olds. I love that my youngest son can come loudly up the stairs as I am doing laundry, so loudly that I hear him with my back turned so I turn to acknowledge him with a "Hi Sweetie", only to have him say crestfallen, "Mommy, you weren't supposed to turn around."

Why wasn't I supposed to turn around you ask? Because he was "sneaking" up on me. Sneaking in a way only a four year old can...meaning loudly stomping his feet because quiet isn't in his vocabulary.

I quickly apologize and turn back around and resume folding the laundry only to hear his little feet sneak up behind me and have him yell, "Boo". I then act very scared like he hadn't just totally gave away what he was trying to do.

The best part of this.....he seriously thought he had scared me and said, "I got you Mom!".

I love it.....totally love it. I also love that he still thinks his paci is at the Happy Cleaning Factory in the North Pole being cleaned by a man named Rufus.

This is why I am not ready for kindergarten to start for him people!

Tonsils or Testicles?

2009-02-20T08:13:00.003-06:00

M, our six year old had this conversation with my hubby today about our dog:

M: "What are those balls called that Buddy used to have?"

Hubby: "Balls, what balls?"

M: "I mean those ball things that were attached to his penis that you had cut off?"

Me (as I am brushing my teeth listening): "He means testicles."

Hubby: "Oh, yeah, those were his testicles."

M: "Testicles! Oh, I thought testicles were something you had inside your mouth"

Hubby: "No, those are tonsils inside your mouth, not testicles."

I could go on and on with the inappropriate thoughts I had when M thought testicles were something inside your mouth....but I won't.

Going on Vacation

2009-02-18T17:01:00.002-06:00

B, our four year old (oh, my bad- four and a HALF year old)had a field trip to the police station today. It's probably a good thing he took a tour now at his age, because if he ends up like his Uncle Paul, when he is in his late teens he may see the inside of that place a few times.

I digress. B was so excited this morning that he came running into our bedroom, where it was just me as the hubby had the stomach flu yesterday and slept on the couch downstairs...he's better now and feelig pretty good. I swear the man has been sick for about three straight weeks with something. Hopefully this is the end of it, poor guy.

Oops, I digress again. Anyway, B comes running in at 5:20AM as I was just getting dressed to go down and work out. He is talking a mile a minute explaining what the day will be bringing. "Mommy, today I get to go on vacation at school. It's too bad that M never gets to go on vacation in 1st grade, but in preschool I have been on vacation to the Play Station, the Fire Department, the library and now the police station. I love to take vacations at school."

My response? "Those vacations sound just like my kind of trip- cheap and free, however sweetie when you go somewhere during school it's called a field trip, not a vacation."

Maybe I should have just let him believe those were actual vacations so he will never feel let down if we don't make it to Disney World.

Bursting With Pride

2009-02-17T11:56:00.004-06:00

You know there are times when I am ready to ring my six year old's neck. Seriously. He can be a sassy pants, saying no to me when asked to do something....saying no was NOT a choice in my house growing up and I can barely say no to my parents now at almost 40. I have no idea where he gets it (okay, I actually do- I blame my husband, but that's besides the point). The kid can frustrate me to no end.

Then he comes home from school yesterday and does this.......he walks in with an envelope and says, "A little girl in my class has cancer", and gives me a note. I begin reading said note and sure enough, a girl that was in his kindergarten class last year has Ewing's Sarcoma. I immediately burst into tears, unable to even grasp how any parent could handle something like this. My heart begins to hurt for this little girl and her family.

As I am having a complete Mommy meltdown, I notice that M has gone upstairs to his room and has returned with his piggy bank. When I inquire about what he is doing with his money he says to me, "Mommy, that envelope is to put our money in, I am giving Maddeson my money to make her feel better." He then proceeds to put ALL of his piggy bank money into the envelope, all five of his dollars that he has saved.

I, of course, begin weeping again and give him a big kiss and a hug.

You know, it's moments like that when I am reminded that all of my hard work as a mom, all of the frustrating times, the times when I am ready to scream and tear my hair out, are completely worth it. Worth it because I get a moment like this where I see my son's tremendous heart and realize just what kind of a man he is going to grow into some day. That's my boy, one minute he's refusing to go upstairs and brush his teeth alone, the next minute he is giving his life savings to a sweet little girl he knows who has cancer. I am still bursting with pride.

My Tummy Hurts

2009-02-15T08:08:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Valentines Day. I readily admit that we don't do much for Valentines Day at our house. The hubby and I kind of feel it's a pretty overrated day, though I still try to purchase our boys a card and a treat each year. This year they each received a krispie candy bar in the shape of a cupcake. Our youngest has his mommy's sweet tooth and scarfed that thing down right after I took them to swimming lessons. He ate it at 10:00 in the morning, barely taking a breath, though the chocolate smeared all over his face led me to believe he enjoyed it.

Cut to 4:00pm. I had just made brownies (there's my sweet tooth again!) and was just sitting down on the couch for a nibble of my delicious treat. B came loafing into the room, moaning and rubbing his tummy. He laid his head in my lap and said to me, "Mommy, my tummy hurts." He is prone to dramatics, so I played into and began rubbing his belly asking him what had happened since he was just running around the house playing Batman.

B said that his tummy hurt because of me and when I inquired further he said, "I ate too much chocolate today because you gave me a chocolate candy bar cupcake for Valentines Day. I can't eat any other chocolate at all for the rest of the day or even tomorrow."

I told him I was sorry that he had such a bad tummy ache from the chocolate he snarfed down six hours before that and told him not to worry that there would be no way he would be getting anything else chocolate, even the brownies I had just made for a special treat.

His response? "Brownies? Oh, I can eat brownies...I just can't have anymore chocolate cupcake candy bars, but brownies are okay for my tummy."

It's Not a Lightsaber

2009-02-11T14:22:00.001-06:00

Dear Boys,

Your penises are not Lightsabers. Stop using them to play Star Wars at bath time.

Enough said.

Love,
Mom

A Somewhat Embarrassing Post

2009-02-10T04:48:00.002-06:00

I am going to take a walk down memory lane, back when my six year old was just barely three years old. It's a pretty funny story, though kind of embarrassing on my part- only because I must fess up that I STILL watch this show and I am pushing 40. I just didn't realize when I had the show on that, my three year old (at the time) was paying attention to it. I learned the hard way.

I was tucking in M, just three, for his normal bedtime routine. Prayers, a story, a snuggle and a smooch goodnight. When I went in for the smooch M grabbed me behind my head and pulled me down into what seemed like a very long, and kind of inappropriate kiss for a three year old to give his Mommy. I explained to M that little boys don't kiss their Mommy's like that, thinking that he had seen his Daddy kiss me that way. Nope. His reply to this discussion? "I was just trying to kiss you like they do on 90210."

Yep, Soap Net (okay, and Facebook now) is like crack for me...and I was catching those damn 90210 reruns all the time, keeping it on when the boys played, etc. NEVER in a million years did I think M was paying any attention to it at all. Evidently I was extremely wrong since my three year old tried to make out with me thanks to 90210. I knew then and there that I would no longer have the show on when he was around, because who knew what he would try next. The sad thing is, I am not embarrassed my kid tried to passionately kiss me. I am embarrassed that I must admit that I still watch 90210 reruns from the 1990's.

My point and yes, I do have one.....even if you don't think your kids are paying attention to what may be on your TV- they are. Damn it...

Tattoos

2009-02-09T06:26:00.003-06:00

Note to self:

Remind husband that each morning when I am working out at 5:30AM to please remember that our six year old wakes early but shouldn't be able to roam house freely. The rule is that said six year old must stay in his room each day until 6:30 before getting up officially. It's important and hubby must enforce this while I am down in the basement getting in a workout. Why the rule?

Because otherwise we have mornings like this morning when I come upstairs and see six year old with Kung Fu Panda tattoos on his face and arms that aren't scrubbing off, leisurely playing on the computer at 6:15AM.

Lovely look, those tattoos on the cheeks. Someday I will laugh, right?

You Made That Word Up!

2009-02-05T11:05:00.003-06:00

My six year old was being especially challenging this morning. Why? Because, wait for it....he was told he would have to take a shower before school. The horror! Typically he takes a shower at night before bed but he was not listening to anything told to him last night and therefore the hubby made him just go straight to bed. Aw the joys of having a 16 year old. Oops...I mean six year old. It feels like he's 16 with the way he acts, but sadly the kid is only six. We are completely in for it when he's 16, I can tell you that much.

While I was telling him to get in the shower NOW or go straight to his room after school, the hubby was having this conversation with him about listening to his parents the freaking first time (I put freaking in there to emphasize our struggle- seriously is it that hard):

Hubby: "You need to listen the first time or you pay the consequences."

M: "What's consequences?"

Hubby: "Consequences are things that happen to you when you do something. For example when you don't listen the first time you get a consequence of going to your room. Or when you do something good like get 100% on your spelling test you get to go out to eat. There are good and bad consequences."

At this point I am thinking to myself what a great explaination that was from the hubby and thinking just how attractive I found him at that point. Something about reasoning with a six year old makes him attractive. Regardless I was pretty impressed with the hubby at that very moment, when my oldest child says this in response to the word consequence, "That's not true! You just made that word up!" then slams the door and steps into the shower.

Yep, my husband is responsible for the creation of the word "Consequences". Don't try to use it people, because we sense that the word is going somewhere...we are working on a patent so it can belong solely to us and if anyone wants to say it or use it in print they must pay us for it. We will be rich I tell you, rich! I have a good feeling about this word that the hubby "just made up". It's going to BIG!

Mary, Mother of Jesus....

2009-02-04T03:53:00.001-06:00

Our four year old, B, attends a Christian preschool. I'll admit we don't go to church as often as I would like, some of it is pure laziness on our part- wanting to sleep in on Sundays (okay, sleep in doesn't really happen when your kid is up by 6:00) and the other reason is my issues with the church and how many churches view people who are gay, lesbian or transgendered. Plus I don't believe the Bible should be literally interpreted. But that's for a different time. He goes to a Christian preschool because it's cheaper than others around here and it's very good, plus I want him to learn Bible stories in his lifetime, but I also would love for him to experience other religions as well. Again, that's for a different time and has nothing to do with this post.

Anyway, our four year old attends a Christian preschool and he is learning about many aspects of the Bible, and obviously the most recent was the story of Jesus' birth. Today I had a conversation with my four year old about Mary, the mother of Jesus.

B: "Mary was Jesus' mom."

Me: "Yes, I know."

B: " She died a long time ago, right?" (Again, he's four and talking about death, butts, farts have become quite popular).

Me: "Yes, she died a long time ago."

B: "Like in the 1970's or something."

Yes, according to my four year old, the 1970's was a long time ago....long enough in his mind that Jesus' mom was still living, or you know...his own mother was born.

I really am old.....

Only on Mondays

2009-02-03T02:08:00.000-06:00

Our four year old has of course been doing well at wiping his rearend after he poops. Only if you are a parent can you understand what a milestone this is. Mom's everywhere rejoice when they no longer have to wipe a rear day after day after day.

Today our four year old went poop. He took along his Nintendo DS with him to do the deed. Why take the DS? Oh, to be like Daddy who takes his PSP in the bathroom when completing this task. Magazines don't work at our house...you gotta have some sort of electronic toy to poop with.

So B went poop and after what seemed like forever (he really is like his father) B opens the door and yells to me, "I can't wipe myself can you help me?" I get up and go into the bathroom to see B assuming the position (completely naked- because that's how you poop at four, hands on toilet, feet spread, rear up in the air) and I say to him, "B, you can wipe yourself now, why aren't you doing that?" He replies, "Mommy, I can't wipe myself today." I ask him if he at least has tried to wipe himself and he let's me know that no, he has not.

I go on to remind B that in order to go to Kindergarten rear must be wiped on his own. His reply? "Mommy, I can wipe myself but just not on Mondays. Only on Mondays do I not wipe myself."

Only on Mondays he doesn't wipe himself, but the rest of the week...he can wipe that rear. I should have told him that only on Mondays I don't wipe his rear. Then what would have happened? I smell a wiping strategy for next Monday.

We've Been Sick and Busy

2009-02-02T07:26:00.002-06:00

The stomach flu hit my four year old so I have been a bit preoccupied taking care of the little dude to be blogging or visiting other blogs. He's feeling better today, better enough to have this conversation with my six year old this morning while brushing teeth.

Me to my six year old: "M, brush your teeth, let's get going."

M: "Okay."

Me: "Oh yeah, M- blow your nose as well."

B (my four year old): "Yeah, M blow your nose and don't ask me to help you, because I won't."

Me: "Well B, considering you still CAN'T blow your nose yourself and your brother has been doing it on his own for about three years, I pretty certain if he needs help he will not be asking the kid that doesn't know how to do it."

B: "Oh yeah, I hadn't thought about that."

The boys kill me.

How to Lose Weight

2009-01-29T05:00:00.001-06:00

If only I had known it was this easy to lose excess pounds. Better yet, if only the hubby had known this was all he needed to do. Had he been in the car after Taekwondo with us when this conversation took place, my hubby would have inside scoop on how to make his tummy smaller.

M: "Mommy, why doesn't Daddy like to swim?"

Me: "I don't think it's that he doesn't like to swim honey, I think he just doesn't like to take his shirt off to do so."

M: "Daddy always wears a shirt when he swims, how come?"

Me: "Well, I think Daddy is a little self-conscious about his big belly." (Sorry people, but my hubby does have a big belly. I'm not gonna lie to you. He's started working out again, so hopefully this will help remedy the situation.)

As I say the words "big belly" I hear giggles, of course, from the back of the minivan. Yep, I drive a sweet Ford Windstar- nothing cooler. My four year old then pipes up about Daddy's big belly and says this-

B: "Daddy should just burp a couple of times. That makes your belly go down. That's what I do and it makes my belly smaller so I can eat more. Daddy's belly would get a lot smaller if he would just burp."

Who knew? My four year old has it all figured out. Simply by burping you can make your belly smaller. I encourage all of you ladies reading this who might want to lose a few excess pounds around the stomach to just start burping. Burp the hell out of yourself and see what happens. It works for my son, it should totally work for you all.

Good luck, let me know how much weight you lose this week by trying it!

Prayers- Six Year Old Style

2009-01-27T19:20:00.004-06:00

We have a nightly prayer that my boys say each night (well, our oldest says it to me, I say it to our youngest). It's one from my childhood and it goes something like this:

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light. God bless everyone, Amen."

My mom always had us say this version of the popular prayer that uttered something about dying before you wake. She didn't want to freak us out with that thought, so she taught us to say the prayer above instead. I am the same way, I would rather my kids not go to bed at night thinking about dying before they wake, have some night terror about it (because B already has those and they suck, so he doesn't need any added sleep disturbances), so my boys say the "sweetened down version" of the prayer.

What's funny is that M, our oldest, has been saying this prayer to me outloud for about a year now, except he was changing one little word on it for the entire year and I never uttered a word about it....only because I thought it was so cute. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him it wasn't the right word. He finally asked me one day a few weeks ago if the word he was saying was correct, probably because he caught my cheesy-ass grin when he said the wrong one and I had to fess up that he was using the incorrect word. Alas, he no longer says the wrong word, but I have this memory that will forever be ingrained in my brain.

Here's his prayer.....Six year old style (note the word change and try not to smile):

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep DRIVE me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light. God bless everyone, Amen."

Love it! God is driving him through the night. I wonder what kind of a car he drives?

On a side note, if you visit this blog Boogers, Screams, Headaches and Dreams you can enter a fantastic giveaway by doing just a few things. It's a great blog, I visit it regularly. Enjoy!

A Born Salesman

2009-01-27T05:31:00.001-06:00

B's preschool is doing a fundraiser. Typically I avoid doing fundraisers for a private school that I am already shelling out a ton of money for, plus I really don't love my four year old pimping out fundraising products to people he doesn't know. But this fundraiser, well, this fundraiser is different. It's a food fundraiser. If you any of you know me, you know I love to eat. Aw food, it's a fantastic thing. Therefore, his preschool sucked me right into this fundraiser. Really. It's got cookies, pies, cakes, brownies, pizza, soup, tacos and burritos. You can get a tub of cookie dough for the bargain price of $13. I don't care.....you should see the pictures. Drool.

After I spotted what B was selling to make money for preschool, I decided that perhaps he should give it a shot. So, I emailed several people (he has very few contacts, so I went ahead and emailed people I thought may buy from him- you know, grandparents, uncles and aunts, my good friend who is a surrogate aunt to the boys, you know- the typical people suckered into buying)in hopes that they would buy from him. Sure enough, we had a few responses, most from family out-of-state, but also responses from my parents here in town and my dear friend Kim, also here in town. On two different days this last week both parties stopped by to purchase from B's fundraiser. I figured he would show them the catalog and then rush back to play with his guys, or his penis. Either one.

I was wrong. This kid was working it. I kid you not. He laid out the catalog to the pages with the most expensive items, and the page with the cheesecakes he was eying. When my mom made her choice of two measly items that cost her $25, B decided it was time for the upsells. Yep, he began questioning (or badgering, but why split hairs?) her if she maybe had a bit more money to spend. He asked if she liked pizza and if so, perhaps she should get one of those pepperoni ones. He wondered if she thought the brownies looked good, and if so...maybe she needs to buy those as well. My mom didn't cave to his skills in sales. She stood firm. It doesn't matter that he batted those long eyelashes over his big brown eyes, she stayed strong. Way to go, Mom. I can't resist that, but I guess you are a stronger woman than I.

Kim, our close friend, stopped over the next day to peruse the catalog- again strategically placed on a page B thought she would like- cheesecakes. Really, who doesn't need a $15 cheesecake? B began his sales pitch with the cheesecakes, though Kim turned him down stating that it was too big and she lives alone, so she couldn't eat it all. He offered to help her out. I think she was about to cave when she, smart woman that she is, offered a compromise. She would buy the caramel rolls to bake ONLY if B would help her eat them. SOLD! B managed to get Kim to spend $34 on three items the other day...all by using his powers of persuasion.

He's a born salesman, that kid. It's in his blood. I just had no idea that at four he would know all the tricks of the trade. I am thinking I will have him audition for a few infomercials. You will probably see him late at night on television selling some Ginsu knives soon. Be prepared, you won't be able to resist picking up the phone to order once he's done with you.

All I know is it's a good thing he has these skills, because I am sure at some point in his life he is going to need to use them to talk himself out of some sort of trouble- especially if he's anything like his father. God help me.

More Odds and Ends

2009-01-26T05:15:00.001-06:00

My Dear Boys,

1) B- Your jokes are hilarious! Seriously, how do you come up with these belly slappers? Take for instance this one (stop me anyone if you've heard it before) Why did the cow go down the road? Because he had to see if the pig pooped!" Sometimes you change it up and say the cow went down the road to tell the pig he loved him. I smell a stand up comic in the making.

2) M- testicles are referred to as testicles in our house. Mommy is seriously trying to make sure private parts are indeed called by their proper terms. So, the next time the dog jumps on your testicles please don't yell super loud, "Ouch, my biscuits!" I am thinking you picked that term up at school, huh? Gotta love 1st grade boys. Biscuits?

3) Is wrestling ALL THE TIME mandatory when you are little boys? Just curious, because it seems to be all you two want to do. Really! Then someone ends up getting hurt- typically we end up with some sort of a "biscuit" injury with tears and the need for an ice pack.

4) Watching you two do Taekwondo is boring. There, I said it. I am so glad that you guys are loving Taekwondo, but I don't get it. It's like watching nine innings of a baseball game for me, or watching paint dry. It's just so boring! I am now figuring out how my dad (your Grandpa Jim) felt when he was dragged to all of my dance recitals and gymnastic meets for years and years. He went because he loved me, but not because he enjoyed it. I totally feel for you now, Dad. Really, I do. Lord help me, I get it. Yawn.

5) Your rear ends are cute, but please stop pulling your pants down and running around the house partially clothed. Someday a stranger will knock on our door only to be greeted by two half nude children. No one needs to see that. I suppose though as long as you stop by your teens I won't complain. If you answer the door half nude into your teens, I will seek counseling. For you and for me!

6) Farts are funny. They are as funny at four and six as they are to a 38 year old mother of two. I get the giggling, but I beg you to please not go to school and tell your teachers that your mom thinks it's funny when you fart. Let it be our little secret and for God's sake- remember your manners and say "excuse me" no matter how hilarious it is!

7) B, when you are sick at 3:00 AM coughing, then vomiting because you gagged, then coughing, then vomiting and Mommy brings you into her bed, displacing Daddy to the couch- because you have woken everyone with your cough, please don't sing to me! I love you a ton, but the last thing I want to do at 3:00 AM is SING. You know what I want to do at 3:00 AM? SLEEP! Now, 15 years ago when I was college, I certainly wasn't sleeping at 3:00 AM. I was closing down the bar, going to eat some eggs, then rolling into my sweet apartment about 4:00, vomiting said eggs, passing out on my bed, thinking I may not make it to that 1:00 PM class I have later, then doing it all over again the next night (yes people, I taught your children for 10 years after doing this!). But this is 15 years later. I'm pushing 40. What I want to do at 3:00 AM son, is SLEEP. Save your tunes for some other time dude.

Love you both! Thanks for being my boys. It's never a dull moment.

Mommy

Odds and Ends

2009-01-22T12:54:00.003-06:00

Dear Boys,

You are both a little eccentric and you know what? Your Mom loves it! These quirks you have never fail to make me laugh. There's so many of them, I am not sure if I can remember them, but I am sure going to give it a shot.

1) B- I love that you are now adding the letter X after your first name. You have told several people that your name is Brady X. Not just Brady...it's Brady X. You told your swimming instructor that on the first day of lessons and she found it highly amusing. You also have to sign your name that way now as well. What can I say? You're four and funny!

2) M- We aren't entirely sure where you came from, but so many of the things you say and do are hilarious. We love that you throw up what I call "Your 1st Grade Gang Sign" during pictures. You also do some funky thing with your head and eyes when you are throwing up your two-fingered "1st Grade Gang Sign" that you kind of look a bit possessed- but in a cute way. Well, in a way only a mother can love.

3) B- I love that since your Happy has gone to the Happy Cleaning Factory at the North Pole (where a man named Rufus is in charge of cleaning it and it is still being worked on!) that you think everything that our dog chews up should be sent to some cleaning factory. Case in point....the dog chewed your new pencil and you thought we should send it to a pencil cleaning factory. No such luck though, they only have Happy Cleaning factories and nothing else.

4) M- I am not sure how many times a day I say to you, "M, get your hand out of your pants please". But I am thinking it's at least six to seven. I realize that you are going to be seven and that appendage will remain your favorite play thing for years to come. Maybe even until your old and grey. I am not sure, perhaps any of the old men that read this blog (I am sure there are tons!) can let me know if that toy is still their favorite.

5)B- You cannot wear a white t-shirt all day, all night, all the next day, all the next night, and so on. You must take it off once and awhile for Mommy to wash it. Oh, and absolutely no you will not be wearing that out in public without a shirt over it. We do have some class. Not much. But, a tight white undershirt that's shrunk so much it is close to a half-shirt on you isn't going to be worn alone in public.

6) Both boys.....I get it, you love to talk about butts, farts and penises. Your boys, it's normal.

Love,
Mommy

Talking Sex With My Four Year Old

2009-01-21T04:11:00.004-06:00

I have always told my boys they can ask me anything. I have always been hopeful that the boys and I will maintain an open line of communication about anything- even when they are teenagers. I envisioned talking to them about sex when they were ready; I just didn't think it would be at age four.

B, our four year old, and I were rocking in his rocking chair the other night, just talking and singing like we do at bedtime every night. It really is probably the greatest part of my day. Imagine my surprise when B said to me as were chatting, "Mommy, I think I want a baby sister."

I explained that it was most likely not going to happen, that Mommy and Daddy were done having babies. B said again how much he would really like a baby. Then he sprang it on me, something I wasn't prepared to be talking to him about at age four.

"Mommy, how do you get a baby?" Of course, I was taken by surprise and sat for a moment thinking to myself, "What would my dear friend Denise, the SEX THERAPIST recommend saying at this moment?" I realized that I didn't want to be a parent that just made some sickeningly sweet untrue story about how babies are born, so I decided to stick with the basics- because that is what Denise would do. So I said:

"Sometimes when a Mommy and a Daddy love each other (or two horny teenagers/adults, drunk people without protection- but I left that out)they lay on a bed (or in the back of a car, on a roof, the grass in the backyard- again, I left this out, but it was swimming through my head)and kiss without their clothes (or not) on and then the Daddy puts the baby in the Mommy." (I should have thought that part through a bit more)

I figured this would appease him. Like I said, I should have phrased the putting of the baby in the Mommy part a bit differently because B promptly said to me, "Well Mommy, how does the Daddy get the baby in the Mommy." I was hoping to avoid the penis and vagina stuff for a bit longer, but no such luck.

I paused and then went with what Denise would do- which would be honest in an as age-appropriate way as possible. So that's what I did. I said to him simply, "The Daddy puts his penis in the Mommy's vagina and that's how they make a baby."

Well, I tell you nothing much phases the kid. He knows what a penis is and what a vagina is, so I wondered what his reaction would be after I said those two words- because let's face it, he's infatuated with his penis and typically penis talk sends he and his brother into fits of laughter, but this time he didn't miss a beat when he said to me:

"Okay, Mommy- I want you and Daddy to do that tonight so that I can have a baby sister tomorrow."

I had to explain that the baby just doesn't come the next day after two people do that, that it typically takes 9 months for a baby to grow in a Mommy's tummy. B thought 9 months was too long to wait and changed his mind. Then I tucked him and laughed after I left his room.

And so for now, the subject of making a baby has been dropped. But it's nice to know that my son is okay with sex between his parents. At least for now.

Eight Things About Me

2009-01-20T11:14:00.002-06:00

I was tagged (called out?)to write eight things about myself from Michelle whose blog, My Crazy Life With a Toddler is a blog I visit regularly. Now typically this blog is about my life with my little spazoids, oops, I mean...my boys. Today though I will write eight things about me. Tomorrow come back though, I have a great blog set about the sex talk I had with my four year old. Yep, sex talk. You gotta come back tomorrow to read about it.

Eight Things About Me:

1. I think I am having a midlife crisis. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I loved teaching, but stopped before I had my second child. I tried to go back in 2007 and it was a horrible experience. I now work for Goodwill coaching adults who have barriers to employment at their job sites to help them maintain employment. I love it, but the money sucks and it's very part-time. I would love to move up with Goodwill, but then I would for sure have to stick my boys in daycare during summer and breaks. I don't like that thought. So, do I go back to teaching for the schedule or do I continue with Goodwill? I simply have no idea what to do with my life...I am torn.

2. I have known my husband for years and years, but we didn't start dating until we were both 29. I knew him in junior high and high-school and I didn't like him. At all. He was a smartass and he teased me all the time. People still can't believe we are actually married. What can I say? He's got good taste and finally wised up to the hotness that is me. Just kidding!

3. I am a liberal Democrat and have gotten much more liberal since having my boys. My biggest fear in life isn't that they will be gay, because I could care less about that, it would be that if they are gay, that some freak person would dare to judge them or spew hate at them because they believe it to be wrong, etc. I honestly know someone who believes that you can change a gay person by sending them to a camp. This kind of thinking just kills me!

4. I have a defibrillator implanted in my body thanks to a recently diagnosed heart condition that could cause me to have a fatal arrhythmia/sudden cardiac arrest.

5. I realize that when I watch my boys participate in things, I turn into that somewhat annoying mom who is giving thumbs ups, showing a smile and pointing at it, etc. I have no idea where this comes from, but it cracks my husband up when I do it. It makes me laugh too.

6. I once dated a man who was eight years older than me. I was 23,just graduated from college and he was 31. He told me shortly after we started dating that he had bone cancer. I stayed with him for almost two years. He was verbally and mentally abusive to me, and oh yeah...he LIED about having cancer. I laugh about it now, but it was a horrible time in my life, for my friends and family who had figured him out long before I did.

7. I am a total girly-girl and always thought I would have one girl. God gave me two boys and I couldn't be more thrilled. I have had to touch worms, catch a frog, look at insects. Ick...but I do it for my boys.

8. I couldn't be happier that Barack Obama is being inaugurated today. I sense a change will be happening in this country. A much needed change. It may take awhile, but I am just in thrilled that he is our new President. What a moment today is!

-On a side note, as I finish typing this, my four year old has FINALLY wiped his own rear today and just came running out of the bathroom, naked from the waist down yelling and jumping "Hip, Hip, Hooray" in celebration.

Kills me!

It's a Full Moon at Our House

2009-01-18T18:06:00.003-06:00

Should we worry that our four year old is running through the house in only his underwear (okay, and his socks) yelling, "Captain Underpants to the rescue!" then turning around and mooning us with his little four year old buns?

Mooning already? Really?

Before the Bone Chilling Cold Set In...

2009-01-15T16:25:00.003-06:00

We went sledding as a family last week, BEFORE it got down to -55 with windchill. We aren't stupid, we don't go out in this kind of weather. Give me about 20 degrees, very little wind and a lot of snow...and I am all over sledding. Give me -55 with the windchill and I am all over the couch with a big warm blanket and super sweet fuzzy socks.

Sledding was so much fun, and even though there was a sheet of ice underneath which made the walk up the hill extremely difficult (but good for the thighs!), we had a great time. Is there anything cuter than your kids laughing their asses off at your wipeout in the sled? I don't think so.....

It's Not Often I Do This

2009-01-14T11:13:00.002-06:00

I am posting today about something other than my boys. I have stumbled upon a blog that I think needs to be shared more. It breaks my heart and entertains me at the same time. I realize I don't have a lot of readers, but if you actually read this post I am encouraging you to go check out this blog of Matt Logelin. I had to start at the beginning of the blog, which I believe was him documenting he and his wife's first pregnancy. Unfortunately, his wife died suddenly and very tragically 27 hours after delivering their daughter.

He blogs about life without his wife, raising his daughter and how it pretty much sucks at times that his beloved wife isn't there anymore. His words move me. If you are looking for a blog that is all sunshine and happiness with no swear words, this isn't it. If you are looking for a blog that will make you smile and then perhaps cry, check this out (just don't forget to come back here!)

Just my blog recommendation for today...read his story if you can and start at the beginning. I don't think you'll regret it.

That Was a Good One!

2009-01-12T18:37:00.005-06:00

Being a mom of boys is fun, isn't it? Especially when your six year old is sitting in the bathtub with his four year old brother and your six year old passes gas. Quite loudly. I mean really loud. Bubbles form and of course, two little boys burst into fits of laughter.

Then your six year old says, "Now that's what I call a FART."

Aw boys.

My Little Boy Lost his First Tooth!

2009-01-11T15:18:00.023-06:00

Our oldest son lost his first tooth today. We knew it was coming because yesterday it was quite loose. I won't get to really see him toothless because the adult tooth is already growing in behind the baby tooth that he lost. As a child I had several adult teeth grow in behind my baby teeth, except my baby teeth never budged and I had to have them pulled. Then I had to have 8 adult teeth pulled because they were too big for my mouth. My mouth wasn't a pretty site for many years until the parents splurged for braces and straightened them out. If they hadn't done this, I quite possibly could have charged them with child abuse....my mouth wasn't a pretty site. I am so hopeful neither of my children inherit my lovely teeth, pre-braces. The gobs of money my parents spent was well worth it.

I digress, because I am feeling quite sentimental now that M has lost his first tooth. My four year old had to give up his Happy and now M has lost his first tooth. What's next....dating, marriage, grandchildren? It's all happening way too fast for my liking.

It seems like yesterday I was just bringing my little preemie boy home from the hospital. He was about five weeks early thanks to my pre-eclampsia. We brought him home weighing about 5lbs 5 ozs. He was just skin and bones, that boy. Here he is in the hospital after he had his oxygen tube removed. He spent three days in the NICU while Mommy was heavily medicated on some nasty magnesium sulfate. Could he be any sweeter? We used this picture for his birth announcement in 2002.

Here he is a few months later, not so scrawny, huh?
Oh yeah, love the belly button. Can you say hernia? I know it's kind of gross, but he looks so cute in this picture, I couldn't resist.

I had a hard time with my first born turning one, but the kid was happy and healthy and that is all that matters. I believe this picture represents best how he was at one year old. He's a much neater eater now.

At two the kid was a little "spirited" but he also had to get used to a new baby brother, which let's face it....isn't easy when you have been the center of your parents world for almost two years. As you can see though, he welcomed his baby brother and smothered him with love. Most of the time.

Age three, the kid wouldn't sit still. There was no stopping him from moving. This picture pretty much sums up age three for him.

He spent year four pretty much the same as year three...on the move. Some say hyper, I say "spirited".

When he was five he started kindergarten. Kindergarten was when many of his friends lost teeth. Not M, his teeth weren't ready. He wanted to wait until he was the last kid in his class to lose a tooth. This meant waiting until 1st grade, where he again held the record for the last kid to lose a tooth in his class. The kid loves to hold records in things.

And now, here he is.....my one less tooth little man.
He is no longer my skin and bones preemie baby we brought home almost seven years ago. He has glasses and no longer wears toddler size clothing. He ties his shoes, rides a two wheeler (for over two years now!), and now......he no longer has all of his baby teeth.

Who knew a simple lost tooth would take me on such a walk down memory lane? They really do grow up too fast!

Loose Tooth!

2009-01-10T11:43:00.003-06:00

It's a big day in our world....our six year old has his first loose tooth. This is a good thing because one of his adult teeth is growing in behind the baby tooth. This must have loosened up the baby tooth because that bad boy is finally loose.

To say M is excited would be a HUGE understatement. I encouraged the kid to keep wiggling the tooth off and on throughout the day because that would help it come out sooner. He's taking those words to heart...

His hand has been in his mouth during swimming lessons (sure, swim using one arm...it's much more important to wiggle your loose tooth than to stay afloat), he's wiggled when he's talking to someone (forget manners people...it's okay to have your hand in your mouth when talking IF your tooth is loose!), he's wiggled when eating(table manners be damned), he's wiggled while riding in the car(Mom, look my tooth is looth) and he's wiggled while playing his DS one-handed(not winning a DS game isn't important as long as your tooth is loose)! If M has his way, that tooth is coming out in the next 24 hours.

The Tooth Fairy best get ready...what's a first tooth go for these days? I am hoping it's still a quarter like in the 1970's. Someone tell me this is true...or should I take a second mortgage out on the house now?

They Don't Smell Good...No Matter Where You Are

2009-01-08T18:35:00.003-06:00

To My Boys:

Your rear ends don't smell good, no matter where you are. In the bathtub...don't ask to smell each other's rear... your butt doesn't smell good even sitting in a tub full of bubbles.

Seriously...butts don't smell like chocolate or mints...they smell like poop, though the smell can be masked by delightful smelling bubbles, it's still a butt and you don't need to get a whiff of what your brother's rear smells like.

Seriously.

Love,
Mommy- who is desperately trying to figure out what goes through the mind of a six year old and four year old boy.

Happy Update....

2009-01-08T14:28:00.003-06:00

We are on day something or another of Operation Happy Be Gone at our house, and so far, it's not going too badly.

B has asked me a few times each day when his Happy comes back from the Happy Cleaning Factory. Oddly enough it's not at bedtime he is asking me, just at random times throughout the day. I have told him that the Happy is supposed to come back Friday (originally I said Thursday but lucky for me he wasn't paying attention at that point and I changed it one day longer) but I can't guarantee it would be ready tomorrow. You see the Happy Factory is far away, in the North Pole where Santa Claus is and because of all of the dog germs on the Happy it may take a VERY long time to get it cleaned and returned to us and of course shipping from the North Pole is a complete nightmare. Tomorrow when I call the Happy Factory to check the status of B's Happy, it will not be ready until next week.

I am loving that my kid is actually falling for this...

No More Nuggets

2009-01-07T14:11:00.003-06:00

Our beloved pooch is back from his surgery. Poor doggie, no more nuggets for him. He's a little sore which is to be expected given that they chopped off his testicles. I imagine that must hurt at least a little bit. Now we just wait and see if Sir Humps A Lot has lost the urge to make babies with just about every human he encounters.

We all missed Buddy a lot and he was only gone overnight. Our four year old saw him today after he got home from preschool and exclaimed, "Buddy's home from getting his penis chopped off."

Again I explained that Buddy's penis is still intact....it's the testicles that were removed, and once again I was forced to launch into what testicles were ("Oh yeah, those black things that hung down by his penis").

Who knew having a dog would be so educational?

It Was a Sad Day Today....

2009-01-05T20:25:00.005-06:00

Our new dog chewed up our youngest son's "Happy".

What's a Happy, you ask? Well, it's a pacifier. Yep, I am admitting that my four year old son still sucks on a pacifier- but only at night and only in his bed, he isn't allowed to have it any other time. But yeah, he still has it. He calls it a "Happy", so you can tell the chances of weaning him off it were slim to none. Quite honestly, it really didn't bother me, him having it- to me it's like having a blankie or a favorite stuffed animal you sleep with. It's a security thing for him. I have tried since after birth to stop his love of the Happy, but just couldn't bear the way he cried without it. Seriously...he's my baby. I can't take it.

Unfortunately today, Buddy our new favorite dog who likes to chew on things, got ahold of B's Happy and went to town on it. He also likes to hump- but tomorrow he's losing his manhood and will hopefully stop giving those special hugs out to people. Buddy tried to make sweet love to my best friend the other night...she turned him down. Poor dog.

Back to the Happy. Breaking the news to B wasn't easy. He knew that should anything happen to this Happy he wasn't getting another one, this was it. End of the Happy.

B took it pretty well, but then burst into tears when I told him no more Happy's, we weren't buying anymore. He then told the dog he didn't like him anymore and was mad at him, to which Buddy began excitedly licking him (but not too excited- no special hugs from Buddy for B at this time). I explained that Buddy was trying to say sorry, and in B's world.....that worked. He immediately laid down next to Buddy and told him he still loved him even though he ate his Happy.

Tonight at bedtime B really wanted that Happy. I reminded him it was gone and he cried and cried again. If you knew B, you would know he's very DRAMATIC...so B asked if he and I could rock a bit and just "talk about my Happy, Mommy." Of course since he's my baby, I could not resist those big brown eyes and we sat and rocked and talked lovingly about his Happy. He really wanted that thing back, pleading with me to get it back. I then told him his Happy had been taken to a special Happy cleaning store that gets dog germs off Happy's and it wouldn't be back until Thursday.

On Thursday the Happy will be delayed at the Happy cleaning store, and hopefully in the next few weeks B will stop asking for it and we will be done with the Happy.....because really should a boy starting Kindergarten in the fall still suck on a pacifier at night?

If it would keep him my baby forever, he could suck on that thing until he's 60....I think I am having just as hard of a time letting it go...it feels like the last part of his babyhood is gone.

Seriously....I need a Happy intervention, or a "I need to let go of the fact that my baby is growing up" intervention.

There has to be a 12-Step program for sad parents like me......I may be taking this harder than B.

A New Club

2009-01-05T05:00:00.000-06:00

My four year old informed me today that he and his brother have formed a club of their very own.

B: "Mommy, M and I have our own club, you wanna know what it is?"

Me: "Yes, I do- what is it?"

B: "It's called the Poop Club and it's in the bathroom. We say poop all you want until you are done!"

Me: "Wow, that's fantastic and unique. I envision a lot of members in this club, it's really going to go places- like right down the toilet."

Anyone want to join?

Why are you Naked?

2009-01-01T18:17:00.005-06:00

It seems that I ask that question to my four year old several times throughout the day.

He goes into the bathroom to poop, yells for me to come wipe him (yep, still can't wipe his own tush at age four, but he's my baby so I let it slide)and B is standing spread eagle, tush up in the air, completely nude. I ask him, "B, why no clothes?" His response? "Because I went poop Mom!" That makes complete sense to...no one other than B.

We are working on not removing all of his clothes when pooping and working on wiping himself, seeing as he goes to Kindergarten in the fall. He should probably not remove all clothing at school if he ever poops there and he probably won't be able to call me to come wipe him when he's at school.

I posed the naked question another time today when B came upstairs to our bedroom and he was once again completely nude. Nope, it wasn't time to get ready for bed, it wasn't time to change clothes, he was just nude. "Why?" I ask him. His response, "M and I are wrestling and I had to take my clothes off." "You had to wrestle naked?" I ask. "Is M naked?" Nope, his brother is fully clothed.

Naked wrestling? Really son, save that for college.

Just One Thing to Say

2009-01-01T08:43:00.002-06:00

Go Hawkeyes!

They play in the Outback bowl against South Carolina in about an hour....we will be rooting on the Iowa Hawkeyes!

Go Hawks!

Dog Pee

2008-12-31T06:39:00.003-06:00

Someone please tell me that this dog peeing in my house will get better. It's been a week now and while it's better, I am discovering pee on the carpet as I do a pee search of the house. I have no idea how old the pee is but yesterday I did my pee search and discovered about five spots of pee throughout the house...five pee spots that I scrubbed and sprayed to get rid of the dog pee smell. His old owners assured us he was potty trained. Really? Because I'm not seeing it.

Seriously....our new dog is over a year old, should he be peeing in my house so much? We have new carpet throughout most of the house and it's killing me that there is pee on it. I know he can hold it, he sleeps all night without peeing, gets up and goes potty, comes back in and goes back to sleep. Why potty in my house off and on throughout the day?

Will it get better after he is neutered next week? I have been reading that un-neutered dogs potty in the house as a way to mark territory when they are looking to mate, and the way Buddy has been humping things- I am inclined to believe that perhaps this is what he is doing. Sir Humps A Lot.....that's what we call him.

He's a really good dog, great with my boys and very fun and affectionate...but honestly I am about to scream with this peeing in the house thing. We put him out off and on all day long, I watch him go to the bathroom out there (he gets a ton of praise for going pee-pee outside; those are my husbands words, which KILL me), so I know he is going- the potty in the house isn't huge areas of it, it's more like a sprinkle here and there. That's territorial, right?

I've never had a dog that pees before. Okay, I haven't had a dog since before I left for college- if this gives you an idea of how long it has been, and back then, my parents dealt with stuff like potty training. I am clueless.

Any ideas to save my sanity? Or just wait to see how Buddy is when he has his balls removed next week and pray that takes care of it? I refuse to give up....help me, help Buddy stop the pee! It's obviously driving me batty because I just blogged an entire page about it.

Save my home from the pee!

It Just Makes Sense

2008-12-30T07:09:00.003-06:00

My boys wake early- especially my six year old. He has for his entire life woken by 6:00AM everyday, some days as early as 5:30. My four year old typically sleeps until 7:00, but has several days a week he wakes by 5:30 or 6:00 as well because he has to potty. He never goes back to sleep either. Never.

So it just makes sense that when we added a male dog to our clan that he too, would wake up early- to pee. 5:00AM. Everyday.

Did I mention he has to pee at the exact same time every morning? 5:00AM. At least the dog goes back to sleep.

A Note to our New Dog....

2008-12-26T12:00:00.003-06:00

Dear Buddy,

You have made our Christmas a very merry one for sure! Our boys have wanted a dog for some time and are doing a great job caring for you. We have discovered some interesting things about you, dear pooch.

You love getting into the trashcans in the bathrooms. You aren't on the hunt for food. Nope. You love eating the dirty kleenex and toilet paper that is tossed in there. So far we have to keep all of our bathroom doors closed, to help eliminate your love of chewing disgusting snotty kleenex. Some people may think that is a gross dog behavior. Us? We find it endearing.

In addition to your odd love of dirty kleenex chewing you have peed in every room of our house. When I say every room, I literally mean EVERY ROOM! We think you are marking your territory because the room peeing has slowed down considerably since the first day we got you. That day you peed several times in a matter of minutes. Now it's about once a day. We simply tell you no very firmly and then escort your cute little rearend right out into our backyard and tell you, "No potty in the house-we potty outside." Now, the humans in the house don't potty outside. Okay, so maybe your new Mommy used to, but only in college and only after a night out drinking. Bathrooms are hard to find when you can't see straight. Your new dad has peed outside a time or two as well, but your new brothers haven't. Yet. We fully anticipate since they are little boys that this will start occurring at any time.

We knew when we were planning on getting you that you were yet to be neutered. Evidently your old family had plans to breed you. Is there money in Yorkie-Poo breeding? We have no idea, but honestly you are scheduled to lose your manhood on January 6th. Generally you having balls wouldn't be such an issue, afterall this is a house full of men (except for Mom), but you seem to be enjoying some of us a little too much and we blame your balls. You are really into humping. You have humped your new Mom so many times, her legs, her arms, her chest- you name it, you've given it a shot. She still isn't able to talk about it.

Yesterday at our family Christmas you became really close with your new Mom's 20 year old nephew, who is now your cousin. It started when you jumped on his lap and enjoyed his belly rub. Then you started with the humping. Your mom suggested you two get a room- it was looking pretty serious. Then you started on your 13-year old cousin. Your mom put a stop to this because your 13-year old cousin is a teenage girl and well, the hormones.

Last evening you humped your new brother. Seriously, he's only 6. That took about 15 minutes worth of conversation trying to explain to the kid what exactly you were trying to accomplish. You have almost humped your way through the family now. You know what we would be calling you if you were female, don't you?

Seriously Buddy, we do love you and are very thankful you are now our dog. Humping, peeing, dirty kleenex eating aside. You are truly a great dog. Now get off my leg.

Love,
Your New Mom and your new family.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T11:24:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas to all!

We gave our boys their new dog, who has peed in every room of my house now and pooped as well. I think the poor thing is a bit traumatized having to get used to an entirely new family and home. Hopefully this peeing inside and pooping thing will end and soon, because I am not loving it. He knows where the outside is, so hopefully he will start using it when he has to go. Don't get me wrong, I feel for the poor dog, but my hands are chafed from scrubbing pee.

Regardless, have a great holiday everyone! I am sure I will be back after Christmas with some great stories about the little men in my life and that damn dog who pees everywhere as well!

Chatting With Santa

2008-12-23T05:37:00.015-06:00

Dear Santa,
Thanks for taking the time to talk to us on Saturday. We had no idea you spend time at our local grocery store, but we are sure glad you did. You stood and talked to us and even got down on your knee and let us take a picture with you. We're sorry you almost fell over when you were trying to get up and our dad had to help pull you up. We think it's because you're so fat. B even asked Mommy why Santa is so fat and Mommy explained that Santa has to be fat because it helps keep him warm when delivering presents to freaking freezing places like where we live.

Then we got to sit on your lap. B went first. He didn't need a list, because after all he just has three things on it and Daddy says anything OVER three things you must make a list for otherwise you forget what you need. Here he is being all cute when talking to you. Mommy says it's a good thing he's so cute because it will keep him out of trouble for years to come. Regardless, he asked you for his Power Ranger Jungle Fury helmet-in red, of course. He also wants a Clone Trooper helmet, but please don't call it a Storm Trooper helmet, because evidently there's a big difference. He also wants a Ben 10 Alien Creation Chamber. Santa, I hope you can bring him at least one of those things. Mommy has tried to prepare us that Santa won't bring everything on our lists, but when you are four that's kinda hard to remember. She also told us that we need to say thanks for every present we get, even if we don't like it. Hopefully B won't do what he did at his birthday and say, "I don't like this gift but Mommy says I have to say thanks!".

M saw Santa last. Here he is going over his list with Santa. M's list was pretty long, but because he's six he totally gets he isn't going to get everything on it. He didn't have "dog" on the list, but he plans on letting Santa know he wants one- either that or he will just get it for his birthday- he says. We aren't sure how he could just magically get one for his birthday, but oh well. M was pretty serious about his list and even left the list with you when we left. After all, Santa you did ask M for his list. It could possibly be because you wanted to see it, but M took that to mean that you actually wanted to keep it.

That's okay though because now that you have his entire list you will know with 100% certainty what he asked for for Christmas. No mix-ups now that you have that sucker. Mommy isn't alarmed that some strange guy in a Santa suit at our local Hy-Vee has a list with M's name on it, she just said thank goodness M didn't write his last name or she would have tried a bit harder to get it back once she discovered M told Santa to keep it. Oh, and Santa, ignore the dates on these pictures, you know they were taken on Saturday- Daddy just didn't reset the dates after deleting old pictures from it.

Thanks again, Santa. We loved seeing you, even though you are fat and your hair looked pretty fake. We can't wait for Christmas Day to see what you leave for us. We can't wait to give gifts either, but man- the getting sure is fun!

Love,
M and B

Another Note to Self....

2008-12-22T08:44:00.003-06:00

Dear Self,

Eating Corn Flakes for breakfast is a healthy breakfast. Eating Corn Flakes that are covered in butterscotch with mini marshmallows that your neighbor gave you as part of a package of Christmas goodies is not. Luckily it's Christmas time and calories don't count.

Love,
Self

Can You Keep a Secret?

2008-12-21T08:16:00.008-06:00

Shh....can you keep a secret? Look what Santa is bringing the boys on Christmas. Don't tell, it's a surprise...
His name is Buddy, he is a Terri-Poo and great with kids. And no, those aren't the real color of his pupils.

He is coming from a family that has two dogs and only wants one, my husband knows the family and the dad is a minister, so we are hopeful that they aren't just telling us all of these good things about this dog. Ministers don't lie do they? LOL. The best part, at least one of the best parts, is that we are getting him from this family for FREE. They love the dog but for their family two dogs is too much. The family is so happy to have found him a loving home and are being incredibly generous by giving us Buddy. My wallet is thrilled!

Now, if only they could send someone over on a daily basis to pick up the poop, I would be doubly thrilled. Oh well, you can't get everything you wish for. That's why my boys will be learning this lovely job early on....their list of chores will now consist of 1) Make bed (still working on that with my four year old) 2) Put your plate on the counter after eating. 3) Put your clothes away (this pertains to only my six year old right now, my four year old can barely pull out his drawers. 4) Pick up your dog's crap because it makes Mommy throw up in her mouth a bit to do it. Little kid poop I can handle, dog poop- kind of makes me gag.

We pick him up (that picture was taken at the family's house who is giving Buddy to us) on Wednesday- just in time to have him here for Christmas. What a surprise Santa is bringing.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

2008-12-19T07:01:00.004-06:00

My six year old and four year old singing the old classic, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" running all over the house singing it in a way only they can......

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Good TITANS we bring to you and your KIDS, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.!"

So, it's not quite right, but it's highly entertaining as they really think those are the words. Hey, at least they both have on pants and shirts and aren't singing about penises.

Dance, Dance

2008-12-18T05:00:00.001-06:00

Dance night last night at our house for two boys ages six and four.

Requirements:

-Dance music from Sirius radio (Beyonce, Rhianna, Fall Out Boy- you get it)

-No shirts

-No pants

-Underwear only

-Dance moves that can't quite be described in writing or words for that matter

-Two highly amused parents

Note to Self....

2008-12-17T16:20:00.003-06:00

Note to self....

Dear Self,

When ordering/purchasing your children's Christmas presents, why not write down exactly what you got each child, this way when you go to wrap them you won't sit and stare at certain presents wondering which boy you purchased it for.

Thanks,
Self

See That Dog

2008-12-16T06:50:00.004-06:00

Can you see the dog in the background of this picture?

You might think it's a possum, but it's really a dog. My parents dog. They often get stopped and asked how they could have a possum for a pet, which leads to a conversation that Morgan is not actually possum, not even part possum- she's an actual dog. She may be a homely dog that other dogs tease, but she's all dog!

Morgan isn't the cutest dog in the world, matter of fact if you take her to a kid's soccer game and there are other dogs around- Morgan gets completely ignored by every single kid who rushes over to see some Labradoodle. Morgan doesn't mind one bit- give her someones lap and a ball to chase every once in awhile and she's a happy camper. The best thing about Morgan? We get to watch her from time-to-time when my parents go out-of-town. She has taught my once formerly scared of dogs children to care for, play with and love dogs, without fear.

Yes, Morgan, the "I'm not part-possum" doggie has prepared my children for a dog of their own. For that, I thank her!

My Favorite Part of Last Week

2008-12-14T18:30:00.004-06:00

Is there anything cuter than a bunch of four year olds singing songs for their preschool Christmas program? I can't think of anything. Here is our four year old on Friday night, putting his entertainer skills to good use. He's the little dude with dark hair behind the cute little girl in the plaid dress. He's in the 2nd row, singing his heart out. Broadway, here he comes....And yes, he's the one that squeeled with glee when they said, "Cheer"! Again, Broadway, life partner...I'm down with that (does anyone say "down with that?). Free tickets to a show- I am so totally ready!

Pathetically enough, I turned into the mom in the front row, the one other mom's look at and laugh. You know the one I am talking about- the geeky mom who is blowing her kid kisses and giving him a thumb's up. That was me on Friday night, embarrassing my husband and possibly someday if I keep it up, my kid. Luckily right now he is too young to think I am a dork. Give it time though, it's sure to come when I show up at his soccer games or high school musicals with my big green #1 finger or a huge button of his face on my coat.

Give it time......

Wrestling with Daddy

2008-12-12T05:19:00.001-06:00

Our youngest, B, was wrestling with Daddy this morning. My hubby had B with his hands behind his back and B's back up against his belly. I hear my hubby say to our four year old son, "How are you going to get out of this one?"

My four year old's reply?

"I just do the "kick penis" move" as he back kicks his leg up into the hubby's nether regions.

Luckily he doesn't have very good aim and thank goodness we are done having children.

The "kick penis" move in wrestling- isn't that worth 2 points?

Stuffed Animal Names

2008-12-11T05:48:00.003-06:00

Our youngest son has a vivid imagination. I think I've said that before and again, I am sure he's destined for stardom in some way, shape, or form. Maybe a rockstar, maybe a stuntman, porn star?, he sure does use his imagination that is for sure.

His imagination doesn't end when he names his stuffed animals, and yes- he names them all. Here are some examples:

Meatball = large stuffed elephant

Baby Trey = small stuffed elephant, oops- I was notified earlier that this stuffed animal's name is now Brady Trey and not Baby Trey anymore. Why? It seems the stuffed animal is now 11 and no longer a baby. Makes sense when you are four.

Doo Doo Bat = Webkinz monkey

Doo Doo Ball = other stuffed monkey

JonJon = Webkinz penguin

The names were made up on his own, no help from us. Maybe he's going to be an actor/writer? Whatever he does, I hope he makes a lot of money and can support his poor parents in their old age.

Don't Drink That...

2008-12-10T06:00:00.000-06:00

It's obvious to the hubby and me that we have ingrained in my 6 year old's head that drinking too much before bedtime can cause bed wetting. I don't know whey we try because regardless of how much we limit what he drinks at night, the kid won't wake up to save his life and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I figure sometime before he goes off to college he will start staying dry. What's funny is just how obvious it became today that we have perhaps preached the "limit what you're drinking" to the poor kid.

I was simply going about my business tonight after dinner (which was a delicious lasagna that I prepared and my kids actually scarfed down) and was filling my cup with some water. My six year old saw me and immediately said to me, "Mommy, stop it! No drinking after supper or you'll wet your bed tonight."

Kentucky....

2008-12-09T06:56:00.003-06:00

My oldest son got a new placemat that has all 50 states on it. My mom gave it to him thinking it would give him something new to memorize. The kid loves to learn and is like a freaking sponge, he just absorbs everything. Once he learns something he never forgets it, which I guess makes him have the memory of an elephant.

He got the placemat yesterday and since then we have been playing the "Where is this state" with him. He did this all afternoon yesterday and sure enough this morning at 6:45 we started all over again. He had already memorized where many of the states are. We must have forgotten the state of Kentucky yesterday though when we asked him to find certain states, because here is the conversation that he and I had about it:

Me: "Where is the state of Kentucky?"

M: "Umm, let's see." Then he looks around the map, searching for this state.

Me: "We drove through there before when we moved to South Carolina."

M: "Oh yeah! I know- Kentucky Fried Chicken. We have been there before"

Me: "Yes, we have been to KFC before, but I am not talking about driving through the restaurant, I am talking about driving through the state."

In his defense, he was only 2.5 when we drove through Kentucky and he slept most of the way. He's 6 now, so it's been awhile. I did tell him I expected better of him and that confusing driving through KFC and driving through the state of Kentucky was unacceptable and it was certainly not going to get him through 1st grade. Then I sent him to his room and told him to stay there until he had each and every state and the capital memorized.

He has no school today due to ice, so he's got all day. That will teach him.

I, of course, am kidding. Well except about the no school thing, there isn't any today- we've got a sheet of ice out there people!

A Nice Relaxing Bath

2008-12-07T10:34:00.002-06:00

By myself.....

Isn't it great as a mom when you can sneak away for a few minutes and immerse yourself into a steaming hot bath? Especially when you don't feel well, you are freezing cold and you know the only thing that will warm you is a bath so hot your skin turns red? It's so nice to take a few minutes in the tub and just have some alone time.

Except that never happens, right? I don't know any mom who has young children that can take an uninterrupted bath. I try it from time-to-time, and each time I have two little boys peering over the tub spending quality time with me. Today was no different.

The boys were playing downstairs and I was in the tub, had my new Patricia Cornwell book to read (obvious wishful thinking on my part) when I heard my youngest say, "Let's go see how Mommy's bath is going." I immediately started to laugh, because I knew what was coming next.

Two little boys come running up the stairs and into our bathroom. Two sets of eyes looking over the tub and four arms putting their hands in the water just to see if it is as hot as Mommy warned them. Two mouths start motoring a mile a minute asking me extremely important questions about my bath.

B: "Mommy, why is your tattoo not coming off of your stomach?" (Yes, I have a tattoo, it's small and tasteful and makes me smile.)

Me: "Because a tattoo is permanent."

B: "What's permanent?"

Me: "It means it won't come off."

M: "Where are the jets to this tub?"

Me: "This tub doesn't have jets, just our house in Missouri had a jet tub."

M: "Oh, I wondered about that."

B: "Mommy why are you laying with your head down like that?"

Me: "Well, I was trying to relax by lying in the tub."

B: "Oh yeah, taking a bath is relaxing for you, right?"

Me: "Oh yes, it's super relaxing, especially right now."

B: "M, put your hands in the tub, the water's cold." B looks at me knowingly and whispers to me, "Shh mom, it's a secret M doesn't know the water is really hot."

Me: "Way to keep the secret kiddo, your brother is right next to you and can hear you."

About this time my husband comes up the stairs to get the dirty laundry to take to the washing machine (or if you are him you call it a "laundry machine").

Hubby says to the boys: "Hey, how about you leave Mommy alone so she can take a bath by herself?"

The boys: "No Mommy doesn't want to take a bath by herself, she likes it when we talk to her."

Me: "I really love it, it's so relaxing!"

B: "Oh yeah, I am so relaxed too. Relaxing."

M: "This is the life."

I surrender to not taking a bath alone for at least a couple of more years. Actually I gave up long ago, but it never hurts to try, does it?

A Letter to My Boys

2008-12-05T05:53:00.005-06:00

Dear Boys,

You know why I am writing this blog post before 6:00AM and why I am able to do this daily?

BECAUSE YOU ARE BOTH AWAKE!!!!!! Everyday.

Don't think I won't remember this when you are both teenagers who want to sleep in until 10:00 during the summer or on weekends. Paybacks are hell.

I say that with love, because I love you. I really do. When you are teenagers don't think though that your dad and I won't lay in our bed singing (or screeching, however you want to interpret it)Sister Christian like M does some mornings before 6:00. Don't think we won't wake you up at the crack BEFORE dawn to let you know that we have to go poop just like you do, B. I doubt we ask you to wipe our rearends like you do, but you just never know.

As I mentioned I am devising a plan in my head for when you are teenagers and want to sleep in. It's not going to be pretty.

Just remember how much you are loved, sleeping or not. But be ready......

Love,
Mommy

Conversation

2008-12-04T06:06:00.002-06:00

As I was doubled over with some freaky stomach cramping yesterday off and on, I put the boys into the shower and pretty much left them while I laid in bed listening to their serious conversation. Well, serious in their minds. Hilarious to me.

B, who is four: "M at your school do you count to 20?"

M: "Umm, B I am in 1st grade we count way higher than that."

B: "We count to 20 at preschool. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20."

M: "Yeah, that's really good."

B: "M, at your school do you have this song? (there's that- HAVE thing again)Silent Night, Holy Night All is Calm, All is Bright?"

M: "Um, no we don't have that at my school."

B: "Oh, we have it at my preschool, plus Mommy has it here at home."

B: "M do you have guys you can play with at your school?"

M: "Umm, no I actually play with football and four square. We don't have guys. Remember I am in 1st grade" Yes, he is in 1st grade, where all the mature kids go.

The shower conversation was quite serious last night. For once it wasn't about their penises or their butts.

Can't Shake this Sadness

2008-12-03T06:00:00.003-06:00

I am just so sad today. I regularly visit a website called HCMA. It's a support board, message board, informational board for people with my heart condition- Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It's been a plethora of information for me since my diagnosis.

Today a member whose son has HCM posted that his little guy passed away. He was just over five years old. Five fucking years old and this disease took his life. Can you tell I am pissed off? The little guy was diagnosed about three years ago and last night died in his sleep, nothing they could have done to save him.

I hate HCM. I can't say it enough. I hate that it kills suddenly and I hate that it takes children away from parents and parents away from children. I hate that my sweet boys have a 50% chance of getting this disease. I hate that knowledge, I hate that they may have to through heart surgeries, defibrillator implants, heart medications. I hate that I may have unknowingly passed on a condition that could kill them. I hate the fact that I am not brave enough to genetically test them yet, but I do know their little hearts are okay for this year. I hate that until I know if they carry the gene, that I will worry during each and every sports event they participate in. I just hate it all around.

The little boy that died was under a cardiologist's care. He was being treated for this condition and it still took his life. I hate HCM! I am so mad that it brings me to tears thinking of my boys.

It's the holiday season and this family is now going to mourn the loss of their sweet boy. They should be basking in the holiday, seeing it through his eyes- instead the bastard that is HCM took it all away from them.

I'm pissed and all I can do is write about it and cry for them.

My Funny Clients

2008-12-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

This has nothing to do with my boys, but I had to share. I started a very part-time job a few weeks ago. Let me say that the pay is hardly comparable to what I made teaching, it's not even pathetically comparable- but man, oh man, do I love it. I am coaching special needs adults at their job sites. These adults have barriers to employment that range from mental retardation, Autism, Aspergers and many with mental illnesses. We have some previously incarcerated clients who are trying to get back on their feet as well. My job is to go to their place of employment, teach them the skills needed and then continue watching and helping them until they are independent in their work.

Some of the clients work at our local Goodwill and will most likely always be there because a community job may not work for them. Right now the main aspect of my job is to supervise the cleaning crew at this store each morning, making sure they are doing the job okay, training new clients as they come aboard and keeping the clients on-task during the two hours they work. My clients special needs range from mental retardation to severe schizophrenia. One client in general cracks me up each day. He has a diagnosis of mental retardation and is famous for trying to come up with ways to avoid working.

The other day this client was vacuuming the store and I was making sure he didn't need anything.

Me: "How's it going with the vacuuming?"

Client: "It's good except I don't think this vacuum cord is going to reach to this rug for me to vacuum." Keep in mind that he pronounces his R's wrong and has a lisp and spits when he talks. Love him!

Me: "Well, what should you do if the cord doesn't reach?"

My thoughts are that he could use the other vacuum with the longer cord or look for a closer outlet. My client had different thoughts.

Client: "Umm, probably just not vacuum today."

I couldn't help but laugh at his answer- it's typical of him. He also told me later that week that he probably shouldn't be bending over to wash windows because he's 80 pounds overweight and that type of leaning can't be good for him to do.

I love this job.

What do you Have?

2008-12-01T14:24:00.003-06:00

Everynight I rock my four year old and we snuggle in the rocking chair before bed. It's probably my favorite part of each day, just getting some snuggle time from him. We always sing a couple of songs, everynight it's Rockabye Baby and then I let him choose from several other songs in my playbook. Let me say that I love it because my son could care less that my voice may be the worst voice on the planet. I am not joking. What's funny is that my son says the same thing each night when it comes down to him choosing the last song for me to sing.

Me: "Okay, we sang Rockabye Baby, what song do you want next?"

B: "Umm, what songs do you have?"

Me: "What songs do I have?"

He does this every night. Every. Night. Like I'm a jukebox and I just have a playlist of songs that spit out of me. It cracks me up. My mom even told me today that when she took the boys to church with her and my dad yesterday for a puppet show, the puppets sang Silent Night. That is one song that B can choose from for me to sing. Evidently he turned to my mom and said, "Hey, Mommy HAS this song." Mom thought he meant I have this song on CD at our house.

Nope. The only place I have this song is stored in my head. I guess that's like my own little internal jukebox.

My four year old kills me. I can't say that enough.

It's Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas

2008-11-29T10:37:00.011-06:00

At least at our house. I love Christmas, it's my favorite holiday. I love it even more since I had children- seeing Christmas through their eyes is just the best. I put most of our holiday decorations up on Thanksgiving Day and then we finished with the outdoor stuff yesterday and this morning, this morning was the best part- decorating the Christmas tree. Here is my husband putting the star on the top of the tree. My oldest, patched eye and all is finishing putting up the last of the ornaments.

My youngest was quite perturbed that he would have to stop watching some TV show and pouted for about 3 seconds in a chair when I told him he would have to come help. He sat for a few seconds and then discovered that pictures were being snapped so he jumped down and posed, in a way only he knows how- lying down. Work it, dude. No that's not a dressed-down Heidi Klum, that's me posing with my kid. I get mistaken for Heidi all the time, so I thought I'd better clear that up right now. You probably think I'm not serious, but I am. It happens ALL.THE.TIME. in my mind. Man, I crack me up.

Of course I can't take just one picture of me with one kid and not with the other, so my little pirate, umm my oldest son, posed for a cute picture with me as well. My oldest son doesn't do extravagant poses like his little brother. Not this one, he's all about business. We had a job to do and that was getting that tree decorated. He could barely stop for 5 seconds to take the picture with me. Busy boy give him a job to do and he works hard. And yes, his little brother is still lying on the floor hoping to have another posed picture of himself taken. He was SOL, that kid. I do like that my oldest did manage to throw up some sort of 6-year old gang sign in this picture though. Word.
In the end the most important thing was that we were together. Isn't that what it's all about?

Boys Have a Penis, Girls Have a Vagina

2008-11-28T06:38:00.004-06:00

We are watching my parents dog, Morgan. Morgan is a female dog. My kids love her and she is fantastic with them. My four year old has his theory about why Morgan is a girl.

B:"Morgan is a girl because Grandma gave her a girl's name."

Me: "Oh, does your name determine if you are a boy or a girl?"

B: "Umm, yes Mom. If you are a girl you have a girl's name and if you are a boy you have a boy's name."

Me: "Umm, the name is Mommy. Actually if you are a girl you have a vagina and if you are a boy you have a penis. Your name doesn't really play a role in what gender you are."

B: "Oh yeah. You're a girl so you have a gina. Daddy has a penis. M has a penis and I have a penis. We are boys. Boys have a penis and girls have ginas. You are right Mommy."

Me: "Thanks for calling me by my name- Mommy. And thanks for the enjoyable conversation."

We were worried the kid wasn't talking talking enough when he was 18 months old. I should have known that wouldn't be a prediction of his future talking ability. The kid never shuts up. Especially when it comes to penises and vagina's.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was fantastic and I hope you had enjoyable conversations like we did at our house.

Brotherly Love

2008-11-27T06:30:00.000-06:00

I was working out this morning down in our basement like I do daily. I get up at the butt-crack of dawn to do this because it is the only time I have alone before my early risers awaken. I am up by 5:00 most days to fit this in, get some quiet time and work out. My youngest has been getting up fairly early considering he used to be my late sleeper- sleeping until 7:30 most days. Hey, for us that's late!

However he has been getting up about 5:45ish each day- to poop, it's a vicious cycle that we can't seem to break. My six year old follows closely behind him and wakes up at 6:00 most days. Typically I am still downstairs working out when they wake up. The rule is they must stay in their rooms until 6:30 on school days and 7:00 on the weekends or no-school days. It is a daily thing though that one of them wanders downstairs to tell me something "important" while I am trying to work out. I usually very firmly tell them to go back to bed. Not today though. It was all I could do not smother my youngest in kisses after he came down and reported the following to me:

B: "Mommy, I have to tell you something."

Me, becoming irritated that he isn't in his room,"What is it B?"

B: "M's legs are hurting him."

Me: "Why does this concern you?"

B: "Because he's my brudder and I love him."

Melt. I couldn't resist giving him a big hug and huge smooch after that sweet little response. That kid has me wrapped around his finger and he knows it. I am fairly certain my oldest's legs didn't hurt and that B just wanted to come down to talk to me. I don't care, he was so sweet with that response. Melt.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T05:30:00.004-06:00

Watching a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight with the boys and the hubby, all snuggled up on our bed.

Snippets of conversations we had-

My four year old talking about Peppermint Patty:

B: "Man, that Peppermint Larry is too funny."

Me: "What's her name, B?" trying not to show my amusement at his name for her.

B: "Peppermint Larry?" he says with his big brown eyes looking up at me. "She's a boy, isn't she?

Cracked us up!

My six year old talking about why the Peanut's gang ate popcorn at Thanksgiving:

M: "I know why they are eating popcorn."

Me: "Why?"

M: "Because when the Pilgrims ate the first Thanksgiving they didn't have turkey back then either, they just had popcorn. So they are eating popcorn like the Pilgrims did."

Hubby and I couldn't stop laughing at that one either.

What a great night, topped off by me watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion show after the boys went to bed. Can't get enough of those crazy women. Man, it's like Crack to me- I am sadly addicted to it.

Scotcharoo Recipe

2008-11-25T05:21:00.002-06:00

I had some inquiries about Scotcharoos and what they were exactly- besides addictive little pieces of heaven (just in my opinion). It's a super easy recipe and I love making them with my boys. I try to hold off and only make them around the holiday season, because as I mentioned, I could literally eat the entire pan. I think I probably did this time around. Here is the recipe for what we call Scotcharoos. Maybe they are called something else in different parts of the country? Regardless, they are easy to make and something fun to do with your kids in the kitchen. I always add extra butterscotch chips. Why? Because I love them.

Scotcharoos:

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cups peanut butter 6 cups crisp rice cereal
1/2 cup butterscotch chips
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:
1.Spray a 9x13 inch baking pan with cooking spray. Set aside.

2. In a large pot, mix together corn syrup, sugar, and peanut butter. Cook over medium heat, stirring until peanut butter melts. Bring mixture to a boil. Remove from heat, and stir in crisp rice cereal.

3. Transfer mixture into a well buttered 9x13 inch pan. With your hands well buttered, pat it down into pan.

4. In a medium saucepan, over medium low heat, melt chocolate chips and butterscotch chips until smooth. Spread over top of bars and let bars cool. Cut into squares.

Scotcharoos

2008-11-24T11:01:00.003-06:00

Why, oh why do I make Scotcharoos? It gives my boys and I a fun cooking activity to do. But why do I make them only to eat them? I have lost about 6 pounds since my diagnosis and was feeling pretty cocky about it. My size 4 pants are too big (yep, I am bragging) but then I make these damn Scotcharoos and I can't stop eating them. These pants aren't going to be big for long at this rate. The sacrifices we mothers go through, huh?

Someone drag me away from the pan of this addictive, delicious pan of Scotcharoos before I start licking it. I have no willpower.

Bedtime at our House

2008-11-21T05:45:00.002-06:00

Stop reading if you don't wish to hear about poop and penises. Just warning you now....

Bedtime at our house is always fun, the boys are always spirited, or spazzy- either one. Last night was no different, however it did involve a lot of penis and poop talk. The joy of boys with no modesty.

My six year old is stripped naked ready to hop in the tub when he comes running into my bedroom. "Mommy, I have to show you something." He's buck naked and holding nothing, so I am pretty sure I know where this is going. "Look at my penis, it's got dirt on it." I look down, and sure enough that thing is filthy. I stand there trying to figure out how in the heck his penis could have gotten so dirty when it dawns on me, "Let me see your hands son." He shows me his hands- filthy dirty from playing after school. "Your hands are dirty, try to keep them off of your penis until after you scrub them clean in the tub. Oh, and don't forget to wash EVERYWHERE!" A boy and his favorite toy, isn't it sweet?

Shortly after this my four year old tells me he has to go poop. He heads to the bathroom in our master bedroom and plops himself down, leaving the door open of course. No modesty in our house quite yet- we share EVERYTHING. As he's going, he is giving me a play by play of how it's going. "Mommy. It's. Not. Coming. Out. Yet." I thank him for the update. "Mommy. It's. Coming. Out. Now. Just. Little. Ones." Again, I thank him for his play-by-play and ask if he is going to be a sportscaster when he gets older/

And so it goes at my house at bedtime. I am sure other mom's of boys can relate? God, I hope so!

My Kid is Weird

2008-11-19T17:29:00.006-06:00

My four year old loves American Idol on the Wii, except he hasn't actually been playing it on the Wii very often, mostly because he can't read the words to the songs to sing along. That doesn't stop him from "playing" American Idol by screaming made up songs at the top of his lungs in our family room. Tonight he was jumping around and singing his own made up song called "Rock out the song" and then he would run over to each of us with his hand over his ear and tell us to sing something. My oldest son had to sing, "Guitar Hero", I had to sing, "I love Ben", and the hubby had to sing, "Cracker", whenever B came over and told us to "take it away". We literally just had to sing those words, nothing more- if we added words to our "verse" we were quickly told by a screaming (oops, sorry- Singing) Midget with big brown eyes that we were singing his song wrong.

If it were summer and we had our windows open, our neighbors would have heard our wonderful voices echoing from the family room. Cats would have been screeching and small children would have begun to cry. All because of my weird four year old and his love of American Idol and putting on a show.

That's a Sloppy

2008-11-18T17:20:00.003-06:00

Dinner tonight was eggs, ham, tator tots, biscuits and fruit. My husband doesn't dig breakfast for dinner, but he eats it (mostly because he knows I won't make him anything else and he can't cook, so he's SOL). He eats his scrambled eggs covered in some sort of sauce every time I make them. The man has put weird things on food since we were dating. He once put mayo in his mashed potatoes. I kid you not. And I married him regardless.

Tonight he was eating his scrambled eggs with Wasabi mustard. My four year old asked what the mustard was called. Here's the conversation that ensued:

B: "What's that called Daddy?"

Hubby: "It's Wasabi mustard. If you ever see something that says Wasabi, that means it's hot."

Later on during the meal, my four year old was excitedly telling my six year old about this mustard (my six year old was in the bathroom during the conversation between the hubby and my youngest) and what the name means.

B: "M, do you see that mustard? It's called a Sloppy and a Sloppy means spicy, so don't eat it."

A sloppy or a Wasabi. Does it matter how something is pronounced when someone so cute is saying it?

Ice Cream on the Face?

2008-11-17T05:01:00.000-06:00

My hubby got a haircut yesterday at Barber Paul's. Yep, local barber's still exist where we live. The hubby has been going to him for over 20 years. My boys love to go with Daddy to watch him get his haircut. They don't partake in haircuts there, because I am too friggin cheap to pay $12 per haircut for kids. Nope, I do it myself here in our house. In the summer I do it on the deck. I call it the Mom Shop. Get it? Like Barber Shop but when Mom does it- it's the Mom Shop. I am sure you have never heard such creativity in your life.

I digress, again. My children love to go with Daddy to the barber because Barber Paul gives them candy. The minute they hear Daddy is going to the barber, they run to their coats and say, "I'm going, I'm going." It's like Pavlov's dog- but with kids and candy and a barber shop.

My husband for some reason had shaving cream on his face there yesterday. I don't know what goes on at the barber- but perhaps an old time shave occurs? I don't have a clue, be evidently the hubby had shaving cream on his face. I picture Barber Paul standing over the hubby with a long single blade razor and hot towel around the hubby's face. Did that happen? I don't know, but there was for sure shaving cream. Here is my four year old's account of this:

B: "Mommy, we got candy at Barber Paul's today."

Me: "Of course you did. Why go to the barber if you weren't getting candy?"

B: "Yeah, and Daddy got ice cream."

Me, looking bewildered at the hubby.

B: "Yeah, he had ice cream right here by his ears," B is saying as he is stroking the sides of his face to show me where the ice cream was.

Me: "Well color me confused, Mister. Ice cream?"

Hubby: "Umm, yeah- shaving cream."

B: "Oh, yeah- shaving cream! That's what I meant."

That would have been one heck of a difficult shave if it had been ice cream. Tasty though. I can't say it enough- four year olds kill me!

He Just Wants to Act

2008-11-14T00:02:00.003-06:00

My boys were quite spirited last night getting ready for bed. When I say spirited I mean completely out of their minds crazy wild. I finally had my four year old get out of the tub, separate from his brother, so that I could get him in his pajamas and away from his partner in crime.

B would just not calm down, he was running and jumping and well, just being a four year old. I finally, out of frustration said to him, "B, you have got to calm down and get dressed," as he was jumping around the master bedroom in nothing but his birthday suit. After I said this he said to me in a very serious and dramatic tone, "But Mommy, I am just trying to be an ACTOR. Just let me be an actor." Like by asking him to get dressed I had just squelched his dream in life.

Of course I have to ask him if he even knows what an actor is, "Umm, what exactly does an actor do, B?" B's very knowing response? "Umm Mommy, an actor runs around, jumps on his bottom and says "Ow, my bottom!"

Again, the kid is destined for the stage. I am not sure what kind of stage since he thinks it involves jumping on his rear end a lot.

Maybe stuntman?

Wii Bowling with my Four Year Old

2008-11-12T07:22:00.002-06:00

I bowled twice yesterday with my four year old. Once during the day, just me and him. The other after dinner with the family- Wii Family Bowling. Let me share my four year old's bowling strategy. Why, oh why, does this work for him?

B sets up Wii Bowling. He becomes distracted by his Diego Rescue Center playset. He bowls his first frame, gets a spare. Eyes his Rescue Set. I bowl my first frame, shank it to the left. He bowls his second frame, strike. Goes to his Rescue Set and begins playing. I bowl, shank it to the left. Damn spin on that ball.

B's turn to bowl, I have to remind him what we are doing in order to get him to stop playing with Diego and finish the game he so badly wanted to play. He runs up, grabs the Wii controller from the floor, runs toward the TV, let's the ball go, falls to the floor. STRIKE! Goes back to his rescue center. What the hell? That is what is going through my mind.

My turn- I shank it to the left. Pisses me off. B's turn again. Repeat above performance.

Unreal. Little stinker.

Nintendo DS

2008-11-11T12:09:00.002-06:00

What is a Nintendo DS and why is my four year old asking for one? Our Wii isn't enough? The Leapster he rarely plays with isn't doing it for him? His Daddy's PSP isn't quite cutting it? I don't get it.

All I know is I made a deal with the hubby that if my kids get a DS for Christmas, first it won't be coming from us, second- we are getting a dog. Hubby doesn't want a dog, I don't want more video games in the house.

Doesn't that make it even?

A New Career

2008-11-10T07:29:00.003-06:00

After spending a nice birthday weekend with my family, getting beautiful flowers from my hubby and boys and just relaxing, today I start a new job and hopefully a path to what will be a great new career for me.

I spent almost 10 years teaching students with behavior disabilities and learning disabilities. I miss it, but quite frankly I do not think I want to go back into the classroom. I haven't been sure about that for years, since I started staying home with my little dudes.

I have kind of twitted about career-wise for the last year. I don't want full-time because I have a four year old at home and I want to be home when my 1st grader gets home from school. That's important to me, to be there after school and to spend some time with my sweet four year old. I wanted part-time, part-time that works around my schedule, doesn't force me to work nights and weekends like my last job did as director of education at a local church. I wanted to avoid daycare if at all possible.

I know that sounds like some pretty out-of-reach goals for my new career path. But you know what? I think I found it. I hope I found it. My husband prays I found it. Today I start coaching special needs adults at their job sites through Goodwill. I can't say enough how excited I am about this. I get to use my love of working with special needs people, but in an environment other than the classroom.

I interviewed for this position and when the gals interviewing me asked me what schedules work best for me, when I needed to be off, would certain hours work for me, what time I have to pick my four year old up from preschool- I started thinking what a great fit this would be for me. They are more than willing to work around my schedule to employ me. I can't say enough how impressed I am with that.

The best part with this- because I have a four year degree in special education and 19 graduate hours, I have a lot of opportunity for advancement with this company. That means next year when both of my boys are in school full-time, I can apply for a promotion to a higher-paying career within the company, hopefully still working less than full-time in order to be home in the afternoons when they get home, but still use my skills with special needs people.

I feel excited to use my skills for something other then Mommy, but am also so excited that I don't have to miss out on my boys lives at home because of my career.

It had better work, because this seems too good to be true and I don't want that to be.

For Sale

2008-11-08T12:19:00.002-06:00

My six year old son. Lacks listening skills, says no when given an instruction at home, in his room crying now and having a massive meltdown.

Angel at school though.....

Contact me at 555-Mommy-Wants-to-Scream.

Parenting, who knew?

Death and my Four Year Old

2008-11-06T06:23:00.004-06:00

My four year old is infatuated with death lately. He doesn't fully understand it, but then does anyone really get it? He asks me questions all the time about it and the conversations, while important to a four year old, constantly crack me up. Secretly of course. I would never laugh when he asks me these things. Okay, I do giggle a little. I can't help it.

B: "Mommy, if Grandpa and Grandma die, who would take care of Morgan?" (Morgan is my parents new dog, so this quite an issue when you are four. Who will take care of the dog? A worry. Worried about Grandma and Grandpa dying? Not so much.)

M: "Well, honey, I am assuming Morgan would come to our house and live with us."

B: "How will she get here?"

Me: "Well, we'll drive and get her."

B: "If you and Daddy die who will take care of me and M?" Me secretly thinking how sweet it is that he worries about something happening to us. Evidently that wasn't his biggest worry. LOL.

Me: "Uncle Paul and Aunt Shelly will take care of you. Don't worry though that isn't going to happen for a long time I hope." I admit it does skeeve me out a bit to talk about my own untimely departure and someone else taking care of my boys.

B: "How will they get us?"

Me: "Well they will drive here and get you."

B: "How will they know?"

Me: "Well, they will know you don't have a car and can't drive so they will know to come and get you."

B: "NO! How will they know that you and daddy are DEAD?" with a hint of frustration in his voice, like he can't fathom why I didn't know that he was talking about.

Me: "Well, I am sure someone in the family may mention to my brother and his wife that your daddy and I died and they need to raise you and M."

Then I told him no more questions because it was really freaking me out.

President Barack Obama

2008-11-05T06:31:00.003-06:00

Mr. President!

What a moment in history yesterday was. I can honestly say that I feel change is coming to our country and it starts with the election of his man. Watching Barack give his acceptance speech and seeing the tears in the eyes of those who supported him, those who walked before him, those who not too many years ago couldn't vote in this country, couldn't sit at the same table or drink from the same drinking fountain as white people, caused tears to form in my eyes. This man, our president elect, is change!

As a person with a pre-existing health condition who is struggling with insurance issues, I feel a peace that under his plan my condition and this struggle will no longer be an issue. As a supporter of equal rights for all, regardless of race, gender and especially sexual orientation, I feel a peace that equality for all is right around the corner. As a person who wishes our troops to come home from a war I don't believe we should be fighting, I feel a peace that our men and women who have been fighting far too long, will be home sooner. As a white person living in a predominately white state, I am proud to say that I live in Iowa, a state that helped start this whole thing, a state that regardless of the color of skin of the people who live here, didn't base their choice on skin color- a state that chose a man as president because of who he is, what he stands for and what he will do for this country.

Change!

A Conversation about Voting...

2008-11-04T17:29:00.002-06:00

With my six year old.

M: "Mama, I bet a lot of the old people are voting for John McCain, because he's old."

Me: "You think so?"

M: "Yeah, Grandma and Grandpa voted for him and they are old. I think Uncle Jeff voted for him too."

Me: "Why do you think Uncle Jeff voted for him?"

M: "Umm, because he's old. He's 39."

I guess I will be officially old in one more year, at least in the eyes of a six year old.

On a complete side note...they had a mock election at my six year old's school today. Barack Obama won. Who did my six year old vote for? Barack Obama, of course!

Smart kid...he gets it from his mom.

Did You Vote?

2008-11-04T09:00:00.000-06:00

Don't forget to vote today! Have you voted yet? I did, four year old in tow and all.

I am so hoping that today will be historic and that this country elects a president who wants change, because quite honestly what has been happening for the last 8 years isn't working for me.

Get out there and vote people!

Halloween Hoopla!

2008-11-03T09:40:00.003-06:00

What a night Halloween was. My boys had a blast and isn't that all that matters when it comes down to it? We started out just on our street which is an ordeal in itself. You see we have neighbors who are the Griswolds during each holiday. I am not kidding. Really. They had an entire Halloween spooktacular set up in their yard, including a small spooky house you walk through. In their garage? They had a popcorn popping machine and a cotton candy maker for treats. They even had adult beverages for the adults who wanted to partake while walking with their kids. I came out of there just hammered.

Just kidding, I was only slightly buzzed. Totally kidding- I didn't partake. 10 years ago I might have, but one beer now and I am asleep by 8:00. Okay, I am asleep by 8:00 regardless. I guess I could have had that beer.

I digress...Halloween was about my boys and boy, did they love it. Check out their pictures here. Darth Vadar and Captain Rex the Clone Trooper. Don't say Storm Trooper when you see him, because my four year old will let you know that it is not correct. It's CLONE TROOPER people, how can you mess that up?

I hope your Halloween was as fun as ours.

You Can if You Speed

2008-11-01T15:24:00.001-05:00

Conversation with my four year old in the car on the way to see Great Grandma:

B: "Mommy are we on a road or a highway?"

Me: "This is a road, why?"

B: "It is like a highway, right?"

Me: "Yes, it's similar but you can't go as fast on a road as you can on a highway usually."

B: "Umm, excuse me Mommy. You can if you speed."

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T06:38:00.004-05:00

Happy Halloween everyone.

I wish I had slept last night instead of worrying about money and my stupid insurance company. I wish my boys hadn't woken me up several times in the night last night, though it was only because they are so excited about Halloween. Christmas should be a night of restful sleep, huh? It wasn't so cute last night at 3:00AM, but now that I think about it, it's pretty fun that they are both so excited about tonight.

My boys are dressing up as Star Wars characters. Having never seen Star Wars, it's amazing to me how much they know. My four year old is all about Star Wars. Every ounce of information he has about it is from the Legos Star Wars Wii game he plays. My four year old is going to be Clone Trooper Captain Rex and my six year old is going to be Darth Vadar. For the first few years of their lives I picked very cute and fuzzy costumes for my boys. Last year the boys wanted to select their own and of course, gone are my days of cute and fuzzy costumes. Instead they are replaced with Power Rangers, aliens, Star Wars, Batman and Spiderman.

My boys are growing up. We even made Halloween cookies yesterday and my boys practically did it all themselves. Sigh......

I will post pictures of my munchkins in their costumes, before they are loaded up on sugar and candy and can stand still for a photo.

Insurance is Denying my Defibrillator Surgery Claim

2008-10-30T16:12:00.002-05:00

Stating that they don't consider it "medically necessary". Seriously? Who is an insurance company to determine what surgery I have as necessary or not? It's not like I had a freaking boob job- I had a defibrillator inserted because my mom had a sudden cardiac arrest with this condition and that puts me at higher risk for it. It wasn't an elective surgery for God's sake! It will very likely save my life someday and evidently that's not good enough for my insurance company.

Unreal. Trust me, I am appealing this and my cardiologist is also helping by writing a letter.

I am just pissed off right now. What if the insurance company had told me BEFORE this surgery that they wouldn't pay and I didn't have it? Let's face it, not a lot of people have an extra $44,000 lying around. I wouldn't have had it if I had known they wouldn't pay, because we don't have that kind of money.

What happens if I didn't have it and I died suddenly from a sudden cardiac arrest that could have been prevented if only the insurance company had agreed to pay for the defibrillator? Is my life only worth saving them $44,000?

I said it before and I will say it again- Insurance companies suck.

Yuck

2008-10-29T06:27:00.000-05:00

Is there anything worse than driving home with your father after visiting your hospitalized brother while being FORCED to listen to Rush Limbaugh?

I seriously can't think of anything worse than that.

My parents are Republicans, but I love them anyway. They can't help it, they were born that way.

Just an FYI

2008-10-27T06:49:00.001-05:00

My six year old talking to my husband and me yesterday:

M: "Um, Mom just to FYI ya, this supper is really good."

Me: "Um, thanks for the FYI."

Really? FYI? No idea where he gets these things. No. Idea. But he cracks me up.

Grandma has Kitties?

2008-10-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

During a conversation with my husband today, my youngest son was of course, listening. The hubby and I were discussing his grandma who is in the hospital. She has one kidney and there is something wrong with it. I was telling my husband that we needed to go visit her tomorrow after we all get flu shots, because you just never know with the elderly. I told him that because she only has one kidney and there could be something wrong with it, it's better for us to be safe than sorry.

My youngest son was listening intently to our conversation about grandma's kidney's when he responded very excitedly, "Wait, Great Grandma has Kitties at her house?".

Yep, Grandma has kitties, or one kidney- but why split hairs?

He's Destined for Stardom

2008-10-23T09:14:00.002-05:00

Right now my four year old, future Broadway Maybe, is sitting here in our basement, nude, lying on the floor moaning in pain. Why? He's reenacting how he dove onto the couch while getting undressed, then fell onto the floor. Except he's naked now and he wasn't when it happened the first time. He just couldn't wait to show me what happened. The kid's not shy nor modest. Actually, if I didn't make him put clothes on each day, he would probably just walk around without them. Free bird. That's my kid.

Destined for stardom. Hopefully the type of stardom that involves clothes.

Aw, Nuts!

2008-10-22T06:00:00.005-05:00

We had my six year old son's conference last week at school. He is in first grade and without sounding like one of those annoying moms who just constantly brags on her children, he is doing outstanding. He is reading at a second grade level and is excelling at math. Where he got his mad math skills, I don't know- but I hated that freaking subject in school. Good thing I taught special education, because math is still difficult for me. I'm just saying.

I digress....anyway, my son's teacher shared a story about M with us, stating that his overall behaviors are quite good, but he did have one day where he was kind of off. She got such a kick out of him and this story, it made me laugh as well. I love his teacher this year! Here is what happened:

Evidently a little girl in M's class told on him, telling his teacher that M said he kicked a little a boy in the "nuts". First, we don't say nuts in our house, as a teacher I have always felt it important that the boys learn the proper terms for body parts, so he knows that those are his testicles. However, when you are six, evidently it's much more fun to say "nuts" if you can.

I digress again. The little girl told their teacher and the teacher pulled M aside and talked to him about it. M was adamant that he didn't kick the little boy in the "nuts". She also spoke to the little boy and the little girl that said M did this. After much discussion with all of them his teacher chose to believe that M was telling the truth. He was so earnest about it and usually owns up to anything naughty, that she felt no connection from foot to nuts was ever made.

It was a bit later that M approached his teacher to talk to her. At the time his glasses desperately needed tightening and were always falling down to the middle of his nose. He looks 76 instead of 6 when this happens, looking over his glasses trying to talk to people. When he approached his teacher he began the conversation by saying that perhaps he did accidentally actually kick this little kid in the "nuts" and would he know if he had done this? Regardless, he felt he should tell the teacher that maybe, accidentally he kicked this kid in the "nuts" and maybe the other kid didn't know he had kicked him in the "nuts". His teacher responded that the other kid would definitely know if M had kicked him in the "nuts".

She said the entire time M was moving his hands in a very big animated fashion and peering over his glasses to her, obviously trying to see how many times he could get away with saying the word "nuts" to an adult and in school. She said it was so hilarious that she had a hard time keeping a straight face.

There are several parts of this conversation that kill me. First, he honestly seems to think that if you kick a man(or a boy) in the testicles, that they might actually not feel it. Someday he will figure that one out. Probably the hard way. Second, he honestly thought no one had figured out that he really was just trying to get away with saying the word "nuts" in a conversation with an adult.

That kid kills me....

Pumpkin Carving Time

2008-10-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

It's pumpkin carving time at our house. That means shirts off and ready to roll. My boys weren't entirely sure about sticking their hands into the pumpkins, but my oldest gave it a shot. This is the first year we actually cut them open, each year before this I would give them markers and let them draw all over the pumpkins. They thought that was fantastic. This year though, they are old enough to draw a face and then have Daddy carve it.

My youngest decided that those pumpkin insides smell "iscusting" or "disgusting" if you aren't four and can pronounce all words. My six year old wanted his pumpkin to be perfect and kept asking me to "erase" any mistakes. He also wanted to invite my mom, his grandma, over to see the excitement that was pumpkin carving, at our house. Over she came to see the end results. I love living close enough to my family that they can pop over and see things like this with my boys. It will create great memories for them as they age.

If only I had snapped a picture of the end results...oh well. We did get a pic of me and my boys before we started carving and then a picture of them shirtless and drawing their faces on their pumpkins.

Now I am off to make puree out of those "iscusting" pumpkins and get those seeds dried so we can bake them tomorrow. I love Halloween and how excited my boys are about all of this. Can't wait for Christmas!

Sweet Ride

2008-10-20T06:31:00.003-05:00

We were driving to my youngest son's soccer game last week and my six year old was kicked back in his booster seat, enjoying the ride when he says the following:

"Man, this is a sweet ride," referring to our minivan.

Yep, our 2003 Ford Windstar is a sweet ride. We get that all the time. Teenagers stop us when we are driving, inquiring where they too, can get that sweet of a ride. People who drive a Lexus or a Beemer often gaze longingly at our sweet ride, jealous that they don't have one.

Yep, it's that sweet of a ride. Don't be hatin on us.....

Can I Call it My Booty?

2008-10-17T08:55:00.003-05:00

My oldest son today was playing with my youngest before school started when I hear my oldest fall with a thud and then say, "Man, I hurt my butt." I promptly reminded him that we don't say "butt" in our house.

My oldest responds to me, "Well then can I call it my booty?"

Why this struck me as hilarious I have no idea. Perhaps because it came out of my six year old's mouth. The things he says kills me. I have no idea where he got the word booty, but he learned it somewhere.

I guess it beats how he kept talking about his friends "nuts" to his teacher at school the other day.

That's a story for next week. Stay tuned.

Playing with Barbies, Four Year Old Boy Style!

2008-10-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

My sweet little four year old explained to me today that he and his friends played Barbies during recess at preschool. It was too rainy to play outside so the kiddos had to stay inside and play in a large multi-purpose room that is part of the church preschool he attends. When he shared with me how he played Barbies I was immediately proud to be raising a little boy who doesn't see gender in the toys he plays with. I automatically thought I was doing pretty darn well in my attempt to raise him to not see toys as a boy toy or a girl toy, but as toys that either gender can play with.

Then he shared with me exactly what they did with the Barbies and let me tell you, it was A LOT different than what I did with my Barbies at four.

B: "Well today we played Barbies. I was the Grandpa Barbie and Jaden was the son Barbie."

Me: "That's fantastic sweetie, did you have any other Barbie family as well?"

B: "Yes, we had a mommy Barbie too."

Me: "I always made my Barbies smooch, what did you do with your Barbies?"

B: "Well, the Dad Barbie and the son Barbie got into a fight and they were kicking each other. Then the son Barbie got a saw and sawed the Dad Barbie and there was a lot of blood. He didn't have any feet."

Me: "Wow, that's a lot different than how I played with Barbies at age four, but to each their own." As I am picking up the phone calling a psychologist to see if my four year old perhaps has a future in some sort of serial killing career.

I made my Barbies smooch, go to bed, take baths, be a Mommy, I even cut their hair (which by the way, does not look good. You would think a bob would look cute on Barbie- not so much). As I got older my Barbies did more "mature" things with Ken or Donnie Osmond barbie (who was always the bad male Barbie- don't ask). But I never made my Barbies saw another Barbie's foot off.

Note to self......in 10 years check with youngest son to ensure that he has grown out of this Barbie foot chopping stage. If not, call for help immediately.

Another note to self.....why not just admit that there may be a difference in how boys play with things compared to how girls play with things? Sigh...